


Escapism

by JustAnotherMadOne



Series: Dinner Date [3]
Category: Transformers: Prime
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Drama, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Past Child Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, Torture, Yandere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-09 02:06:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1140169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherMadOne/pseuds/JustAnotherMadOne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He may have escaped the Monster's clutches, but is Breakdown truly free?</p><p>Final Part of the Dinner Date trilogy</p><p>HOW WILL IT END? YOU DECIDE! http://justanothermadone.deviantart.com/journal/ATTENTION-ALL-425785248</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Run Rabbit Run

 Running…

 Running…

 Running away…

 The blue mech crashed through the dying foliage and the rain, not even bothering to look behind him. The Monster could be following him for all he knew. That red Monster, Unicron himself hiding behind a shining visage…

 Mud, stones and leaves were wedged in between the seams of his armour, but he didn’t care about that or the uncomfortable sensations of organics grinding against his inner workings. If anything, it was a better pain than anything he experienced at His hands.

 The mech’s lone golden optic was wide, staring straight ahead, but occasionally darting to the sides to check that no one was watching him, no one was waiting to pounce and no one was waiting to catch him.

 “Frag it all, Breakdown!” He shouted, his voice cracking slightly. “This is your fault! ALL OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”

* * *

  _“Breakdown… I want to know… Do you love me?” he asked quietly. “Please, tell me… do you love me?”_

_The larger Decepticon didn’t answer._

_He wanted to be friends with Knock Out._

_But he didn’t love him._

_Never would._

_“Knock Out… I…”_

_The red mech looked up to the larger, his optics holding hope yet an unspoken threat; say the wrong thing and you will suffer. “Yes…?”_

_Breakdown swallowed hesitantly, what could he say? Either way, the result would only end badly! Lie to a murderous psychopath, or get tortured and most likely killed straight afterwards… Ugh, what should be done!?_

_He swallowed again._

_“Knock Out… I…” He started, preparing himself for the worst. “…I didn’t want to say… but I… love you too.”_

_There._

_The medic’s optics widened at the ‘revelation’, looking surprised but still happy. “You… do…?” He gasped._

_“Yeah… didn’t think it would be a good idea.” He continued, the lie somehow more bitter than the ‘dinner’ shoved down his throat mere kliks ago. “Y’know, ‘cause we’re in a war… thought Megatron wouldn’t take kindly to it… and I thought you didn’t like me the same way.”_

_Knock Out pressed a hand to his spark, looking very touched. “You… thought I didn’t like you?” He asked, suddenly grinning and laughing. “That’s ridiculous! Of course I love you!”_

_Breakdown forced himself to smile. “Makes me pretty damn blind, huh?” He said. “…Love you, Knocks.”_

_The red mech’s expression shifted, looking like he had just been proposed to. “Oh, Breakdown…” He hugged the larger mech. “I love you so much!”_

_The blue mech resisted the urge to gag when he was kissed again._

* * *

 Breakdown’s run slowed down to a tired limp, his whole frame starting to succumb to the chill and the rain. His HUD was swamped with warnings, the biggest declaring ‘ENERGON LEVELS AT 10% - STASIS LOCK IMMINENT’

 Good.

 He had only taken a small number of energon rations with him when he left, not even bothering to search for more. Besides, the ones he had were good enough; at least he knew for sure that they weren’t poisoned.

 It was coming back.

 He remembered how he was when he was younger. His greatest flaw was his crippling paranoia and it damaged his life to the point of practically no return and he felt it was a fragging miracle that the Decepticons kept him around. Maybe it was because of Motormaster.

 NO.

 Don’t think of him!

 …Actually…

 Breakdown leaned against a muddy wall, his exhaustion finally catching up with him. He slid to the ground and hanged his head. So tired…

 But he might see them soon.

 The blue mech laughed bitterly. “So this is how my lights go out? Running out of energy on some mudball of a planet?” He muttered. “But… It’s better than what could have happened…” He looked up and didn’t even flinch at what he saw; they always found him.

 For, in the shadows of the forest in front of him, Airachnid stood there, cradling her severed head in her arms.

* * *

 “Hey Optimus, don’t you think it’s weird?”

 “What do you mean, Bulkhead?”

 “I mean the ‘Cons. They haven’t shown up for months now!” The green van explained, driving next to his leader. “Not even for scouting. I wonder what’s happened.”

 “Whatever the reason is, we should still remain on guard.” The Prime responded, his voice still holding his gentle authority. “Megatron could be planning something catastrophic and is merely biding his time. We will have to be prepared if that is the case.”

 Bulkhead grunted in response, honestly not sure about the conclusion. He didn’t doubt his leader, but he was sceptical about the answer. The Decepticon’s inactivity was still concerning; wouldn’t they have at least sent some scouts to search out ways to complete their plan?

 Something came up on his sensors. “Optimus! Do you have something too?”

 “A Decepticon signature.” The reply was quiet and held some surprise and suspicion. “It is only a few kliks away from our position.”

 “I’m gonna check this out!” Before Optimus could protest, the green van sped up, rain and dying leaves splashed as he moved faster. It wasn’t just the fact that it was a Decepticon signature, but also the fact that it was a very specific one. One that he had loathed for several years now…

 Bulkhead kept on going, not slowing down until he swiftly veered off the road and transformed. He looked around the area as he moved down the muddy slope, keeping a look out for his arch-rival. Behind him he could hear Optimus transforming as well and following him. The Wrecker shifted both of his hands into guns, getting ready to shoot if need be. He moved forward and when he spotted something, his blue optics narrowed.

 The green mech moved ahead towards the large blue mech sat against a muddy wall, head down and optic shut. Bulkhead growled and aimed at the other’s head. “Alright Breakdown!” He said, moving closer and closer. “Put ‘em up! What are you here for?”

 No answer.

 He circled the Decepticon until he was standing in front of him, the barrel of the gun aimed at his face. “Hey! You!” He snapped, even tapping the barrel against the other’s temple. “Get up!”

 The blue mech groaned and opened his optic, looking up at the Autobot. “Bulk… Head…?” He muttered. “…Really… you…?”

 The answer didn’t seem to satisfy the green mech. “Cut the scrap!” He barked, pulling the gun away but keeping it aimed. “What are you doing here?”

 Breakdown laughed weakly. “Come to… put me… out of my… misery…?” He asked, smirking slightly. “Thanks… nice of you… to do that…”

 “What are you…?”

 “Bulkhead, stand down!” Optimus called out, approaching the two rivals. “Even if he is a Decepticon, something is… wrong with Breakdown.”

 “You can… say that again…”

 “Shut up you!” Bulkhead turned to face the Prime. “I don’t think we can trust him… He could be playing something!”

 Optimus didn’t say anything and instead moved closer, kneeling in front of the blue mech. “Breakdown… What has been going on?” He asked, gently placing a hand on the other’s shoulder. “Why have the Decepticons not appeared in the past few months?”

 Breakdown laughed bitterly. “They’re… dead… all of ‘em…” He hissed. “I saw them… but… since I… saw them go… they won’t stop following me… Airachnid’s here… she’s staring at me…”

 The response made the Prime’s optics widen and Bulkhead to look concerned. What did he mean? “The Decpticons are offline?” He asked, receiving a nod in return. “What happened? Who is responsible?”

 “Wouldn’t… you… like… to know?” The blue mech’s optic dulled in its brightness and he looked ready to pass out. “Same mech… who’s been… trying to… kill… me… all this… time…!”

 The green mech finally put his gun away, looking worried but still wary. “Optimus…” He started. “What do we do? I mean, Breakdown could be lying, but… he looks too beaten up to be lying…”

 The Prime stood up and held his hand out to the blue mech, making him look up in surprise. “Breakdown. I may not know your circumstances, but I can tell that they are dire.” He said, his voice radiating charity and warmth. “I therefore give you an offer. You can come and stay at the Autobot base until you recover.”

 The Decpticon’s optic widened at those words, looking absolutely stunned at the mere idea. He glanced over to his rival and then to the Autobot leader. Hesitantly, he held his hand out shakily, grasping onto Optimus’ own. He grunted as he was pulled up, his leg threatening to give out from under him as he moved. The Prime looked down and spotted the deep wound on the other’s leg.

 “…He did that…” The blue mech wheezed, taking a few steps forward, only for his leg to finally buckle. However, before he hit the floor, Prime caught his frame and looked very concerned. “Breakdown… who did this?” He asked again.

 The blue mech grunted, falling silent for a few kliks before he answered. “…Kn… Kno…” He said, his voice barely audible and his optic flickering.

 Optimus looked up at the Wrecker. “He’s weakening. We have to get him back to base.” He declared, raising a hand to his audial to open his comm. link. “Ratchet, open the Ground Bridge and prepare the Med Bay. I will explain the situation when we arrive.”

 “Y-You can’t be serious!” Bulkhead shouted, still unsure of Breakdown’s story. “H-He’s a ‘Con! He could try to—“

 The Prime glared at the green mech, his optics showing that the argument would not continue and that his decision was final. “Help me carry him.” He ordered.

 He was about to protest again, but relented and placed his rival’s arm across his shoulders as the Ground Bridge appeared.

* * *

 Breakdown was barely conscious when he was being dragged through a Ground Bridge, his HUD declaring he only had 7% energon left; once he hit 5%, then he would go into stasis lock and go offline shortly after.

 Nice.

 His hearing started to dull along with his sight, the Autobot medic’s – Hatchet? No… Ratchet, that was it! – shouting barely registering.

 “Optimus! What is HE doing here!?” He dropped his tools and stormed over to the three mechs.

 “He was out in a forest, but he’s lost a lot of energon.” The Prime explained firmly. “We need to repair him immediately.”

 Breakdown tuned out the rest of the argument, only just paying attention when he was being dragged again, this time into the smaller – and far less foreboding – Medbay. He glanced around the room and his gaze settled on a set of tools, nausea bubbling up in his tanks.

 They were like ones that…

 “No… please…” He finally said, struggling weakly in the two mechs’ grasp. “Don’t do this… Please…!”

 They didn’t seem to listen, laying him down onto one of the medical berths with care. The blue mech’s ventilations hastened, his optic darting around the room but he didn’t see the Prime or Bulkhead or the medic, nor the brightly lit Medbay.

 He was back on the Nemesis, strapped down to one of the berths, darkness almost completely engulfing the room and, smiling down at him, was that monster… Scarlet optics and paint, claws to tear mechs apart and a corrupt spark…

 “…have to sedate him.”

 Those words froze the energon in the blue mech’s veins, his mind submerging further into his haunted memories.

 “NO!” He shouted, somehow finding enough strength to struggle around more, even as he was being pinned down. “DON’T! PLEASE! I BEG OF YOU!”

 A pinch in his neck cabling brought Breakdown back to attention, his flailing becoming more sluggish as the sedative worked its way through him. His optic dimmed and turned to the side, spotting the two mechs up against the wall.

 “…No…”

 Steve tilted his head.

 Starscream only smiled, his empty optic sockets chilling his very spark.

* * *

 Ratchet sighed irritably when Breakdown finally went unconscious. “Well, that was more difficult than it needed to be.” He said, setting up an energon drip. “Probably delusions caused by energon deprivation. Made him think that he was being tortured.”

 Bulkhead and Optimus, however, looked unconvinced. “That’s not like Breakdown…” The green mech said, looking with concern(?) at the blue mech. “If he was hurt, he’d just insist that he’s fine! Not… whatever just happened.”

 “If you say so.” The medic huffed, scanning his patient. What was Optimus thinking, letting a Decepticon into the base!? “Now, would you please move out of the way? I need to repair our ‘patient’.”

 With that, the orange and white medic opened up the unconscious mech’s chest plates to get a look at his spark…

 He dropped his scanner at what he saw.

 “By the Allspark!” He gasped, his optics and mouth wide open in shock.

 Bulkhead and Optimus leaned in closer to get a glimpse of whatever made Ratchet lose his nerve. The Wrecker winced. “Scrap… this is bad…”

 The Prime’s optics narrowed in a calm anger. “We know one thing for certain… Breakdown has gone through something that he won’t share.”

 For, carved into the metal near the blue mech’s spark, was a message written with a rushed hand yet with careful precision.

 ‘KNOCK OUT AND BREAKDOWN FOREVER’

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the title of this chapter was based on the song 'Run Rabbit Run' by Flanagan and Allen and while it is a cheerful sounding song and a possible stab at the German Luftwaffe during the Second World War, I thought it still suited lyric-wise.
> 
>  
> 
> _Run rabbit – run rabbit – Run! Run! Run!_  
>  Don't give the farmer his fun! Fun! Fun!  
> He'll get by  
> Without his rabbit pie  
> So run rabbit – run rabbit – Run! Run! Run!


	2. Exposure

_Breakdown howled in pain as the laser scalpel ran across the metal, unable to move from his spot._

_“Oh hush, you big sparkling!” Knock Out hissed, not even hesitating with his movements._

_The blue mech tried to stay still, but he was gasping for air as his chest burned with the scalpel, leaving behind stinging trails in their wake. His hands tightened on the arms of the chair he was currently strapped into and the dents his fingertips had formed only deepened._

_The red mech pulled the hot tool away, smiling eerily. “Beautiful…”He whispered, turning the laser scalpel off. He ran a hand across his work, far too close to Breakdown’s rapidly pulsing spark. “Now they’ll know just how close we are…”_

_The larger mech tilted his head slightly, peering down into his open chest cavity, spotting the burned glyphs just above and below his spark._

_“Don’t you love it, Breakdown?”_

* * *

 Breakdown slowly opened his optic, wincing as his sight was assaulted by an almost blinding light. He tried again and looked around, only to see coloured blurs surrounding him. “Wh… ere…?” He started to say, his voice heavily slurred.

 One of the blurs – a white and orange one – came closer, leaning over him. “He’s waking up…” It said, the gruff voice piercing the haze. “Breakdown! Can you hear me?”

 The blue mech grunted. “Y…Yeah…” He replied, his words clearing up.

 “Alright. You’re doing very well.” The blur, who he now recognised as Ratchet, looked at a datapad and typed something in. “Your spark’s fine and your energon levels are higher. Overall, you’re in a stable condition now.”

 “…What happened?”

 “Well, Optimus and Bulkhead found you in the forest and you seemed to be in a delusional state.” Ratchet continued to enter information onto the datapad. “Looking over the results of the scan, you were just about to teeter into stasis lock from energon deprivation… why did you starve yourself like that?”

 Breakdown resisted the urge to roll his remaining optic (He probably wouldn’t have been able to anyway) at the comment; while he hadn’t packed very many energon cubes in the first place, wasn’t it considered bad bedside manners to say things like that? “…Didn’t pack enough.” He muttered. “Not enough time.”

 The medic hummed, checking something next to the berth. “I did have to give you a lot of medical grade energon. It’s really a ‘miracle’ that…”

 The blue mech started to tune out what was being said, instead glancing up at what the Autobot was looking at, finding that it was an empty energon drip. He followed the clear tube and scowled slightly when he saw that it was connected to his arm.

 They wouldn’t be so low as to poison him, would they?

 Who knew?

 Wouldn’t be surprising.

 “…Should have just left me…”

 Ratchet stopped and glared at his patient. “What?”

 Breakdown looked to the other side. “…Would have been better for both you and me…” He shivered as he tried to supress any possible memories that could appear. “I would have gotten away and… you would have one less ‘Con to worry about.”

 The medic remained silent, the only noise being the whirring of the base’s computer. “What do you mean by that? Does it have anything to do with—“

 “DON’T SAY HIS NAME.” The Decepticon glared at the Autobot, although the anger in his expression was weak and tainted with fear. “Just… don’t…”

 Ratchet took a step back and looked as if he were thinking about those words, only to shake his head. “Of course, my apologies. I shouldn’t have said that.” He said, his tone sincere but still showing an inkling of something else… “I won’t ask anything about it… unless you want to.”

 Before he could say anymore, the Prime came into the room. “Ratchet, I have called a meeting and I’m sure that… you’ll have some things to explain to the others.” He said. The larger mech looked at Breakdown with an almost apologetic light in his optics. “How are you feeling Breakdown?”

 The blue mech grunted. “M’fine…”

 He smiled slightly, if a small tilt of his lips counted as a smile. “That is good to hear.” He said. “I will talk about this with the others, but Ratchet will have to come with me. Will you be fine on your own?”

 “…I’ll be fine… not a sparkling…”

 Breakdown knew he was really pushing it then; back on Cybertron, insulting a Prime was considered an offence punishable by public flogging while attacking one was punishable by death. He could remember such an event when a mech accused Sentinel Zeta of being more pre-occupied with his paintjob than the welfare of mechs being forced from their homes.

 Then again, Cybertron was dead and so the laws were dead along with it.

 “Just… just rest until we’re back, okay?” Ratchet said, picking up two datapads. When he earned a nod in response, he hummed. “Stay on the berth and we’ll be back shortly.”

 Without another word, the two mechs walked out of the Medbay and left Breakdown alone with his own thoughts. He looked up at the ceiling, glad that it was brightly lit so that he could see what was around him. He looked to the side and smirked when he saw wraith-like figure standing in the shadows next to the computer console. “Just you and me… huh?” He said, sounding more confident. “But… shouldn’t be surprised, should I?”

 Soundwave said nothing, petting a charred Laserbeak docked into his chest.

* * *

 The room hushed when Optimus and Ratchet entered, three pairs of optics locking onto the two older mechs. The Prime ordered a meeting and so they gathered in one of the warehouse units, one that was only used for training purposes, mainly for Arcee as beams, uneven bars and ledges were propped up against the wall, awaiting their next use.

 ‘ _What’s going on?_ ’ Bumblebee asked, his doorwings twitching as he spoke. ‘ _Did something happen with the ‘Cons?_ ’

 The Prime remained quiet for a few moments before speaking. “Something of the sort, Bumblebee.” He said, the other Autobots paying close attention. “Around a joor ago, while Bulkhead and I were scouting, we had encountered Breakdown in a forest in the north of Sweden.”

 “What was he doing out there?” Arcee asked, her optics narrowing slightly. “Was he looking for energon deposits?”

 “No. He was wounded and appeared to be in a delusional state.” He explained further. “He had told us that the other Decepticons were dead.”

 Bumblebee beeped in confusion and Arcee’s optics widened, while Ratchet kept a straight face and Bulkhead looked away. ‘ _How is that possible!?_ ’

 “He has not yet told us.” Optimus looked as if he were preparing to for a blow as he carefully spoke his next words. “He was not even in the condition to speak properly… Ratchet may have already repaired him, but his—“

 “There’s a ‘Con in the BASE!?” The blue femme roared, fury overtaking her frame and expression. “What were you thinking!? How can we even THINK about trusting him!”

 “You didn’t see him, Arcee.” Bulkhead finally said, drawing the irate femme’s attention. “I know Breakdown and how he was acting was suspicious enough, but he just… snapped when we got him in the Medbay.”

 “And that’s not even touching on what we found.” Ratchet interjected, holding up a datapad. “Of course there were the obvious surface injuries, but what we found near his spark chamber… well, it raises a lot of questions.”

 With that, the medic took out a datapad and pressed a button, a holographic image appearing, making Bumblebee and Arcee recoil in shock, while the three remaining mechs stayed calm. “This was carved right into the metal surrounding his spark chamber.” He said. “Asides from the fact that he went into a panic attack when we tried to repair him and that he’s refused to talk about it, I would assume that Knock Out is behind this somehow.”

 ‘ _But the question is how, right?_ ’

 “Indeed, Bumblebee.” Optimus said sadly. “Although there is… a possibility of what is going on, we will need to find out what that is as soon as we can. In the meantime, for his own health and safety, Breakdown will remain in the base until further notice.”

 “WHAT!?” Arcee roared, her anger coming back full force. She marched up to the Prime. “You can’t do this! He could be lying about all of this! What’s to stop him from trying to kill us in our recharge? We can’t trust him!”

 “Look, ‘Cee! I know Breakdown and the mech in the Medbay right now is him, but he’s not him!” Bulkhead snapped. “He’s not acting like how he’s supposed to!”

 Ratchet and Optimus stood quietly as the two Autobots argued, already feeling the tension. Bumblebee looked up at the Prime, as if silently asking if he could stop the argument but also questioning the decision.

 “Shut UP!” The medic finally snapped, catching Bulkhead and Arcee’s attention. “As much as I would prefer it if Breakdown wasn’t here, we can’t let him go. The injuries are just the tip of the iceberg, we also need to get information on what’s been going to the Decepticons and what happened to him! So, I stand by Optimus’ decision.”

 “But…!”

 “I am sorry, Arcee.” The Prime’s expression was apologetic, but stern. “But even if Breakdown is a Decepticon, we cannot leave him in his current state. It is the most humane thing we can do now. For now, this meeting is adjourned.”

* * *

 Breakdown grunted when he heard someone walk in. “Took your time.” He said wearily, feeling tired but very wound up. He had tried to sleep, but either his optics refused to cooperate or he would wake up after a few seconds. So he had spent the last joor or so staring at the ceiling and wondering where the frag everything went wrong.

 Ratchet scoffed. “Well, Arcee insisted on extending the meeting for as long as possible until we agreed to her opinions.” He said, walking over to the berth where the blue mech was lying. “Sit up. I have to tell you something.”

 Breakdown reluctantly complied, groaning as dull aches shot through him when moved his body. He looked at the medic with suspicion. “What? You decide that you’re gonna kick me out?”

 “The opposite actually.”

 The blue mech’s optics widened at that. Did he really just hear that? Or had his audials been fragged up somewhere along the line? “’Scuse me?”

 “We had discussed the matter and Optimus has decided that it would be best if you stayed here.” The medic explained, placing his arms akimbo. “Not only because of your injuries, but also you seem to have… gone through a very stressful event. You’ll stay here until further notice.”

 Breakdown sighed, feeling relief flood him. That Monster wouldn’t find him here… if Megatron had spent years on finding this place to no avail, then He would have no chance!

 Would he?

 “Thanks.” He said, trying to smile weakly. “I appreciate it…”

 Optimus walked into the room, still exuding that strange aura of his, one of a commanding gentleness and caring austerity; a Leader and a Father in one. He nodded to the blue mech. “Breakdown, I trust you are feeling better?”

 He shrugged.

 The Prime didn’t smile, but one could sense that he was pleased. “That is very good. As Ratchet has explained, you’ll remain here for an indefinite period of time.” He expanded. “While you are staying here, you will be classified as neutral. I do not want you or anyone else to start fighting each other and you will treat the others with respect and so will the other Autobots. Am I clear?”

 “Crystal, Prime sir.” The blue mech said, trying to sound snarky but failing terribly.

 Optimus and Ratchet nodded, both looking pleased at the outcome. “Now then, I’m sorry to say that you can’t stay in the Medbay. So…” The medic looked as if he wanted to throttle someone as he spoke. “I’ll show you to your temporary quarters.”

 The blue mech wasn’t sure how to take that bit of information. They were going to give him a room instead of throwing him in a cell? Wouldn’t they have just done that since he was a Decepticon? What if…

 They were planning something…?

 Nonono.

 They would have done that as soon as he was found.

 Breakdown shakily slid off of the berth, his leg aching slightly but not enough to send him sprawling to the ground again. He took a small step forwards, his legs trembling gently. “Alright…” He said, taking a few more limping steps towards the medic. “Lead the way.”

 Ratchet nodded with a grunt and walked out of the Medbay as Breakdown followed suit.

* * *

 Arcee sat on the ledge of the cliff, the evening breeze caressing him frame. A scowl was etched onto her face and her hands were clenching and unclenching.

 How could Optimus let a Decepticon into the base? What was he thinking!?

 Sure, Breakdown wasn’t the one to kill Cliffjumper, but he still fought under the same insignia as them. Then there was the whole stabbing Bulkhead in the back after he saved his sorry aft from MECH…

 He could be lying.

 The blue femme sighed angrily, still resistant to the mere idea of having a ‘Con in the base. She knew that he would hurt the kids and the other Autobots. That’s all they ever do; kill and hurt anything underneath them.

 Even if Breakdown was telling the truth, he shouldn’t be here.

 Arcee turned her head, seeing the cairn of rock acting as a memorial for her late partner. “I don’t know, Cliff.” She said, her voice filled with a tired sadness but still tinged with her anger. “As much as I don’t want to question Optimus, I can’t have a Decepticon under our roof… What would you have done?”

 The only answer she got was the quiet whistle of the wind.

* * *

 “Now I know it’s not much, but it should do for now.”

 “It’s fine.”

 Truth be told, Breakdown was happy with his allocated room. Sure, it was white-walled, bare and Spartan, but it was still enough for him – a berth, desk, chair and berth-side table – and it was well lit, with the hum of the air conditioning filling the space. The room itself wasn’t very big, but it wasn’t small either.

 “Well, it is one of the very few hab suites we have to be honest. It really doesn’t help that Arcee insisted that we kept Cliffjumper’s room the same since he…” The medic stopped himself, as if afraid that he was going to accidentally set Breakdown off. He shook his head. “Never mind. This was far more suitable than the cells and you… well, you had…”

 “You don’t have to creep around it, I get it.” Breakdown said, sounding harsher than he intended. “I’ve snapped, haven’t I? Just another crazy mech who’ll break at the tiniest thing? Just say it!”

 Ratchet’s optics widened at the outburst and they both fell into silence.

 The blue mech grunted and looked to the ground. He shouldn’t have done that. Even if they were Autobots and had taken many of his own offline, they had shown enough mercy to take him in and help him… and far away from the Monster.

 “…Sorry.”

 The orange and white mech sighed and tried to smile a little. “It’s… alright.” He said. “It’s been a stressful time for you…”

 Breakdown looked up to the other and nodded.

 “Well… I should take my leave. Come to the Medbay if you need anything.” Ratchet looked as if he really didn’t want to be in the same room as a known Decepticon, but had tried to hide it. “Welcome to the base, Breakdown.” With that, he turned to leave.

 “…Wait.”

 The medic paused and looked over his shoulder. The blue mech smiled, although it was very tired. “Thanks.” He said. “For letting me stay.”

 Ratchet nodded. “You’re welcome.” He turned back and left the room, gently closing the door behind him.

 Breakdown sighed and took a seat on his new berth. Huh, it was fairly comfortable and it seemed to be coping well with his weight. He laid down and stared at the bare, cracked ceiling, thinking about what had just happened in such a short period of time.

 Had he not escaped, he would be lying in berth, staring at the wall as the Monster was pressed against his back, claws tracing sickening glyphs on the surface.

 But now, here he was, far away from Him.

 The blue mech turned onto his side, deciding that he would try and relax, not bothering to turn the light off. It would be the best thing to do to leave the light on just now. He spotted something underneath the desk and smiled when he recognized.

 “Well… this is interesting, isn’t it?” He asked, shutting his optic and hoping to get some recharge.

 Megatron didn’t answer, his limbless body remaining still.

**TBC**


	3. Day One

 Optimus wandered through the hallways of the Autobot base, the quiet hum of the ventilations and the buzz of the electricity running the base the only noise accompanying him. It had been a stressful time for everyone on the base with Breakdown among their ranks. It was understandable that Arcee would be livid at the concept, but she didn’t seem to understand the severity of the problem.

 There was something wrong.

 As he continued to walk around, trying to keep his steps quiet as to not wake anyone, a quiet sound caught his attention. It sounded like… a guitar?

 Out of interest, the Prime started to follow the sound and raised an optic ridge when he found himself being drawn to the Medbay. Was Ratchet still up? And what was he doing?

 His question was answered when he walked into the area, spotting the orange and white mech sitting down and reading something on a datapad. The source of the music was on his computer console, a video of a red-haired human singing about a ‘Star man’ while others played instruments. “Having a hard time recharging, old friend?” He asked.

 The medic shot up from his seat and quickly stopped the video, looking greatly embarrassed (Not a common occurrence). “N-No, not at all.” He said, looking up at Optimus. “…Maybe.”

 The Autobots leader couldn’t help but smile a little at that. “I haven’t caught you at a bad time, have I?”

 “Well… You see…” Ratchet sighed, putting the datapad down. “There’s something deeper than what we think. Breakdown’s physical injuries, but his possible mental state is another. You’ve seen how he reacted in the Medbay earlier.”

 Optimus nodded in understanding. “That is one of the reasons I thought it best that he stay here.” He admitted. “He was in a very fragile state when we found him and it is possible that… if we left him, then he would have done much more damage to himself and others.”

 “Then there’s the matter of what he said to you and Bulkhead.” The medic turned to look at his leader. “About the other Decepticons… and you said that he could see Airachnid, although he mentioned that he had seen her ‘go’?”

 “It is a matter to be looked into.”

 The two remained silent for a few kliks, broken by Ratchet’s sigh. “Do you remember Red Alert, Optimus?”

 “Of course.” The Prime answered, already recalling the jump Security Director. “The last I had heard of him was when he joined a crew with Rodimus. I don’t know what happened to him.”

 “Then there’s the paranoia…” The orange and white mech glanced downwards. “How he was wary of anyone he thought was suspicious, had to examine every room for any bugs or wires, and demanding to have an extra pair of optics on the back of his head… My point is, Optimus, is that I think Breakdown is showing signs of paranoia as well.”

 Optimus nodded. “If I remember correctly, Breakdown had originally been diagnosed with paranoia, but he seemed to have been cured.” He said, only vaguely remembering those days. “But it seemed to be around the time when…”

 “…He and Knock Out were paired together.”

 The two remained quiet, Optimus instead walking forward and placing a hand on Ratchet’s shoulder. The background noise seemed almost deafening as they remained silent, only broken when the medic spoke again.

 “What are we going to do?” He asked. “Not just with Breakdown. What will we do with the others? How are we going to find out what happened? How will we tell the humans!?”

 “Ratchet, please.” The Prime said firmly yet quietly. “I will handle the children and Agent Fowler on this matter. I’m sure they’ll understand if we explain this.”

 “…You’re right Optimus.” Ratchet said, smiling lightly. “Hehe. This is one of your talents, keeping me in line.”

 The red and blue mech smiled in return and pressed a kiss against the other’s forehead. “You have many things to worry about, but you can’t bear them alone.” He said. “That’s what bondmates do for each other.”

 “Of course.” The medic smiled contently, again a rare occurrence in the mech.

 Optimus pulled his mate into a gentle hug, pressing another kiss against his forehead. He looked up at the computer screen and remembered what the medic was watching. “Ratchet. If you don’t mind me asking, but what were you watching when I came in?”

 “Hm? Oh! Yes, that…” The smaller mech said. “Well, I’ve completed my work for today and I was… looking up some things on the human ‘internet’ to see if there was anything of interest. I ended up finding this archive recording from 1972 and it’s a performance by a human named David Bowie, although he’s been referred to as ‘Ziggy Stardust’, for whatever reason.”

 The Prime couldn’t help but laugh at the explanation. “Humans are strange yet wonderful things, aren’t they?” He said. “Mind if I see it?”

 The medic pulled away from the hug. “Of course not, Optimus.”

* * *

 “WHERE IS HE!?”

 The Vehicons trembled as the red mech roared, knowing full well what he was capable of. They knew something was wrong when they heard the medic wailing for Breakdown and demanding to know where he was.

 It went downhill from there.

 Knock Out growled and stopped pacing, glaring at the terrified drones. “Alright, you walking slag heaps!” He barked. “Breakdown has disappeared and I know that he wouldn’t do this to me… so… do any of you know what happened?”

 They remained quiet.

 One particular drone, Adam (In truth, it was 4D-4M), was very nervous.

 He had encountered Breakdown the night he disappeared and, instead of trying to make him go back to Knock Out, he had opened up a ground bridge for the blue mech and wished him well. He didn’t get a thank you, but the look he had received was enough. He had been aware of what the large mech had been going through and so he didn’t hesitate when he had the chance.

 It was his fault.

 “WELL!?” Knock Out snapped, his optics livid and face set in a brutal snarl. “The one responsible will be punished and the rest of you will be spared. But ALL of you will be punished until I find the one who’s done this!”

 Silence descended onto the room, fear bleeding into the air. It only increased when Knock Out moved forward and, due to pure rotten luck, approached Adam. “Was it you, drone?”

 The Vehicon was terrified. He could only imagine what sort of punishment the red mech had in store and he had no desire to find out. His hands clenched as he was stared down, unconsciously trying to back away from him.

 “TELL ME!”

 Adam trembled. “It…”

 “It was me, sir!”

 All of the other Vehicons turned to the source of the outburst, finding that one of them had moved and was looking towards the medic.

 Knock Out stomped over to the agitator and glared at them. “You. What’s your designation?”

 “Sh-Shawnee, sir.” The drone said, prompting pitied murmurs from the crowd. Shawnee was a nice femme, but very fragile and could be easily upset. But to see her offer herself up to the chopping block like that…

 She was slapped across the face.

 “That’s not your name!” The red mech spat angrily. “You only have a designation! A code for mass-produced, expendable vermin like you! WHAT IS IT!?”

 Shawnee squealed in fear. “5H-4WN33, sir! I’m sorry sir!”

 “That’s better, vermin!” Knock Out said, grabbing hold of her arm. He looked over the sea of drones and scowled. “You’re all dismissed. But I will be streaming this criminal’s punishment for those of you who wish to see.”

 With that, he stormed off and dragged Shawnee with him, who was shouting apologies to everyone.

 The doors to the command deck shut as they left, the room silencing again, as if in mourning for their now lost friend. “Primus have mercy on her spark.” One of the others – T0-B1N or Tobin – said regretfully.

 Adam felt his spark sink, guilty over having set an innocent to the gallows.

* * *

  _Breakdown’s optic opened, finding himself in a dark red room and that he was lying on a berth with soft white sheets. He looked around and panicked when he was unable to see anything around him. He lifted his head up…_

_Only to scream when he felt something grab his leg._

_He looked down and saw that a hand – Airachnid’s hand – on his right thigh. “What the frag!?” He shouted, only to gasp as another hand grabbed his left arm._

_And another._

_And another._

_And another._

_They kept on coming until he was pinned down completely, hands of Vehicons and the other Decepticons keeping him down. His breath shuddered, especially as Megatron’s hand clamped down tighter onto his head._

_“You traitor…”_

_The energon in the blue mech’s veins froze when he heard that voice and the sound of footsteps came closer and closer to him. He looked up and could only just barely force out the name of the red mech standing before him._

_“Knock Out…”_

_The medic scowled and moved forward, settling himself on the foot of the berth. “I am so very disappointed in you, my love.” He said, his voice sugar sweet, yet bitter as rot. “I thought you loved me… but you ran away from me and lied to me… how could you?”_

_The blue mech wasn’t sure how to answer. “W-Wait, please—“_

_“DON’T LIE TO ME!” The red mech roared, crawling further up the berth until he was face to face with his captive. “I can’t let you do this… I guess I will have to remind you… of just who you belong to…”  
His spark stopped. “No… please…”_

_Knock Out moved back and sat up, straddling the larger mech. He didn’t respond to Breakdown’s pleas as he ran his hands down the blue mech’s chest, avoiding the hands that pinned the larger mech down._

_“KNOCK OUT, PLEASE DON’T DO THIS!” The blue mech was desperate now, struggling as he tried to get away._

_The hand went down further, gliding over the blue mech’s abdomen…_

_“NO!”_

* * *

 “NO!”

 Breakdown shot up in his berth, his optic wide with fear as he sat there panting. He looked around the room fearfully, even though the light was still on.

 Just a dream… Just a dream…

 The blue mech dragged himself off of the berth, still trembling from the aftershocks of his nightmare. It felt so real… he never wanted to see that face ever again… or go through…

 Oh Primus!

 Breakdown fell to his knees, gasping for air as he clutched his stomach and his tanks rolled forebodingly. He could still feel those touches, the grip of those other hands on his limbs and His hand trailing across his body…

 He purged.

 The blue mech didn’t even care how he looked or how his throat was burning as half-digested energon came back up. He shut his optic and remained kneeling, his breathing becoming far more ragged.

 His head shot up when he heard someone bang on the door. Oh Primus, what was that!?

 ‘ _Breakdown? What’s wrong?_ ’ Oh. It was that yellow scout of theirs…

 “I’m fine!” He shouted back, although his voice was weak and strangled. “Just fan-fragging-tastic…”

 The door opened up and Bumblebee walked in, looking stunned when he saw the now former Decepticon and the mess on the floor. ‘ _What happened? Should I get Ratchet for you?_ ’

 Breakdown shook his head. “No… just don’t…” He sighed, shutting his optic. “Bad dream, that’s all. Just go…”

 The yellow scout sighed, the sound coming out as a low whining beep. He stepped forward and knelt by the larger mech’s side, putting his hand on the other’s back.

 Breakdown flinched at the touch, glaring at the smaller bot. “Just… just go.”

 ‘ _Wait, Breakdown I just want to—_ ‘

 “I said GET OUT!” The blue mech snapped, not entirely caring that the scout looked incredibly hurt by the outburst. He looked back down at the ground, the stench of half-processed energon coiling around his olfactory sensors.

 He sank into his thoughts, ignoring Bumblebee as he left the room. Once again, his mind went back to the nightmare he had woken up from.

 The way He looked at him…

 The way He spoke to him…

 The way He touched him…

 Breakdown retched again, just barely avoiding full-on purging.

* * *

 After about a joor of lying on his berth (And having a staring contest with Starscream; he lost to the seeker), Breakdown finally allowed himself to leave his room. He briefly saw their blue femme walk down the hallway, her posture tense and he decided to go the other way; he didn’t want to speak to her and she looked like she didn’t even want to see him.

 Hm. Better see if he could make himself useful.

 The blue mech had only just made it into the main area of the base when he spotted Optimus and heard an argument going on.

 “Look Prime! Even if what this guy is saying is true, what if he ends up going postal?”

 “I highly doubt that that will be the case Agent Fowler.” The Autobot replied, his voice still calm and even. “Considering his behaviour so far, it is unlikely that Breakdown will attack any of us.”

 They were talking about him?

 Who…?

 “You should know how ‘Cons are. They’re unpredictable. Didn’t you say that he seemed to panic when he came into the base?”

 “Yes.”

 “Well, that’s more of a reason! It’s like mixing gunpowder and magnesium; one spark is gonna ignite and get someone hurt or worse.”

 “You have no need to worry, Agent Fowler.”

 The blue mech turned away, trying to block out the rest of the conversation. Whatever they were talking about, he did not want to hear anything else. Might as well see if there was anything else he could occupy himself with.

 “Good to see you’re up.”

 Breakdown turned, finding that it was Ratchet who spoke. The orange and white Autobot was polishing a wrench in his hands, seemingly exhausted. “Did you have a decent recharge at the least?”

 He considered lying and saying that he had recharged well, but he couldn’t bring himself to it; he wasn’t like Starscream and couldn’t tell very good lies. He instead shrugged. “Better than it has been recently.”

 The medic sighed. “Bumblebee had told me that you had a nightmare.” He said, stopping the polishing. “Care to tell me about it?”

 Figures.

 That scout telling everyone everything about him.

 What else had he told everyone!?

 Breakdown shook his head. “He didn’t say anything else did he?”

 “Actually, he mentioned how you reacted when he had asked.” Ratchet continued. “But, if it helps, he said that he was sorry and that he shouldn’t have pestered you. I had told him that he should give you some space if you need it.”

 “…Thanks.”

 The two remained in silence, the conversation between the Prime and ‘Agent Fowler’ continued. The medic sighed. “Optimus had to tell Fowler about your presence here. That was about… thirty kliks ago?” He explained. “Surprising that they’re still arguing.”

 “No surprise. I mean who wants a ‘Con around here?”

 Ratchet grunted. “You’re not a Decepticon anymore. You’ve made it clear.”

 Breakdown sighed irritably. “I’ve been one for a long time… once a ‘Con, always a ‘Con and all that…”

 The medic looked very annoyed at the statement, but didn’t say anything. “Anyway… have you refuelled at all today?” He asked, trying to change the subject. “You were very low when we found you, so it’s even more vital that you keep a regular intake.”

 The blue mech looked away.

 Ratchet made a small annoyed noise. “For Spark’s sake Breakdown!” He sighed wearily and angrily. “It is vital that you keep your fuel levels up, especially when you’re healing! Now, I am going to prepare some medical grade energon for you. I can only help you if you help me out as well.”

 He shut his optic, sighing and opening it again. “…Fine.” He muttered.

 The medic nodded. “Alright, follow me Breakdown.” He turned and walked off into the direction of the Medbay. “I’ll need to do another check-up on you, especially with your condition yesterday.”

* * *

 “I don’t like this Bee.”

 The scout nodded as Bulkhead kept on lifting his weights, grunting lightly with every lift. The green mech seemed to be almost on edge ever since Breakdown came into the base but had stubbornly refused to admit any problems; this was actually the first time he vented his thoughts.

 ‘ _What part of it don’t you like, Bulk?_ ’ The Scout asked inquisitively.

 “Well… Breakdown being in the base is Point A of why I think this is wrong.” He continued, not stopping his lifting. “But then there’s… how he’s been behaving recently. Point B and the biggest problem of the two.”

 Bumblebee tilted his head at that. ‘ _Could you explain that? I might need a little more than that._ ’

 The green mech put the lifts back onto their stand, giving the yellow mech a concerned look. “Look, I knew Breakdown before he joined the ‘Cons and back then, not only was he a lot smaller, but he also kept on thinking that everyone was trying to get him.” He explained, sitting up properly as he spoke. “Mech couldn’t even stand being in crowds, it was that bad! Well, he and the other Stunticons left and I didn’t see anything of them for years after that.”

 There must have been something else.

 “Fast forward about a year or two and I see Breakdown… and he’s the big blue lunk we know.” He continued, walking off and pulling out his training dummy, which held a resemblance to the late Constructicon leader Scrapper. “And around then… he was with Knock Out.”

 Bumblebee nodded, only for a conclusion to appear. ‘ _So maybe something happened with him and Knock Out?_ ’ He suggested. ‘ _That could have made him turn back?_ ’

Bulkhead shrugged. “It’s possible. That… message only seems to make that more likely.” He cracked his knuckles and shifted his stance as he faced the dummy. “It’s just… Breakdown could just get worse from here. I mean, before he was jittery about everything.”

 ‘ _I guess we’ll have to wait and see._ ’ Bumblebee moved from his spot and examined one of the other training dummies. ‘ _Hey Bulk, can I borrow this one for a bit?_ ’

* * *

 Breakdown watched as Ratchet fiddled around with something, grumbling under his breath. The medic had been working on something for about half a joor now and he was wondering what it was he was working on. He sipped his medical grade energon and grimaced at the taste; he never liked the bitter flavour even if it did worlds of good.

 “…Stupid solution, faster healing my aft…”

 The blue mech couldn’t help but catch the cursing, leaning to the side so he could get a better look at what the medic was making. “Hey… what are you doing?” He asked.

 Ratchet turned, only to scoff in reply. “I’m working on a healing compound to seal wounds and help them heal faster, but the enzymes just aren’t binding correctly!” He complained, turning back to his work. “It’s too complex, you wouldn’t understand.”

 Breakdown tried to ignore the insult, starting to think. He could remember some medical entries on medicines he had read when he was assigned to be His partner, in the hopes that he could help out. Maybe something could be of use from it.

 “…You got any cryoxide?”

 The sudden question made the Autobot turn again, a confused expression on his faceplates. “What did you just say?”

 The blue mech put his cube of energon down. “I mean, if you had some cryoxide, that could cause the correct reaction and have the enzymes bind.” He said, impressed with himself that he could still remember the information. “I mean, are you using seraptriptyline as the base?”

 “Y-Yes.”

 “Then that should work! It’s the only think I can think of right now.”

 Ratchet seemed to snap out of his stupor and started to rummage through one of the medical cabinets, eventually pulling out a small vial of a pale blue liquid. “…How much?”

 Breakdown smiled. “Depends on how much Seraptriptyline you put in. Works better at a 1 to 20 ratio…”

 He started to feel a little better, feeling as if he was of use around here.

 It felt good.

* * *

 She stopped a long time ago.

 Dead already?

 Knock Out mused the situation as he sat on top of the sealed barrel, which exuded a faint heat. It had been about a joor ago when he took that disgraceful Vehicon into ‘The Kitchen’ and sealed her into the barrel as he ignored her pleas and screams.

 She just wouldn’t shut up, so he drilled a tiny hole into the top of the lid…

 …and inserted a long tube and slowly poured in a potent acid.

 He could hear her screaming become more agonised as she cried out for a deity that probably didn’t even exist (Why would a Vehicon pray? They were just the results of test tubes and cloning; there was no need for them to have the same spiritual qualities of a real Cybertronian), the barrel becoming more heated. He could just imagine what was going on inside the barrel, the acid burning away at the drone’s arms, energon curdling, internals collapsing as the structure weakened…

 Beautiful.

 The red mech sighed, wondering what to do now. He had found out who was responsible for making his love run away and dealt with them, but where to go from here? Where did Breakdown go anyway?

 The mech smiled.

 He’ll come back soon.

 Breakdown would always come back to him.

 Otherwise, he’d fetch him himself.

* * *

 Breakdown felt like the dark cloud had left him for now as he walked around the base. He had helped out Ratchet in the Medbay and he felt great when the grumpy mech actually complimented him and thanked him for his help.

 Now he was just walking around since the medic had told him that he had already done a lot and that he needed to relax, so he sent him out (or rather, shooed him out) so he could ‘do what he liked as long as it didn’t involve blowing up humans’.

 The blue mech walked into the main part of the base again, spotting Bulkhead, Bumblebee and Arcee there. He winced when they turned at and just stared at him, especially the blue femme’s hateful glare. He really should have gotten use dto the idea of them not liking him because of his former allegiance, but it still hurt…

 “What’s a ‘Con doing here, Bulk!?”

 That voice made the blue mech look down and he felt his spark stop for a moment when he saw who spoke.

 It was those human pets of the Autobots.

 Well, frag.

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOH, I'M ALIVE!, I'M STILL ALIIIIIVE! I CANNOT APOLOGISE, Noooooo...!
> 
> Just some Lisa Miskovsky. XD
> 
> But yes, I'm sorry this took so long! Ugh, I've had school and exam prep and essays and F**KTHISSH*TIWANNALIVEONTHEMOONANDMAYBEMEETCECILHARVEY.
> 
> *Ahem*
> 
> So there's that and I've been very distracted and writer's block'd, so that really did not help.
> 
> So, here's a new Chappie!
> 
> BTW:  
> 1\. I was making some really lame references to Saw there. Can you guess what they are? XD  
> 2\. I completely made up those chemicals and I was just trying to sound fancy by combining 'cryo' and 'oxide', and 'Seraph' and 'amitriptyline' (An actual medicine used to reduce anxiety.)  
> 3\. There's a lame actor allusion in there! It's probably very obvious. XD  
> 4\. HOW COULD I NOT INCLUDE DAVID BOWIE SOMEHOW? He's awesome. XD  
> 5\. The nightmare sequence was inspired by the 1996 horror game 'Phantasmagoria', which generated a lot of controversy for its graphic scenes of torture (e.g. a woman being force fed animal entrails) and even a rape scene.


	4. Explain

** Chapter 4  
Explain **

 Well.

 This was not a pleasant situation to be in right now.

 Breakdown didn’t know what to do when the three Autobots and their respective human pets looked his way, especially when Bulkhead’s pet seemed the most outraged at his presence. The silence and tension in the room was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

 It was broken by the same human.

 “Bulkhead!” She cried out, turning to the green mech. “What’s a Decepticon like Breakdown doing here? Why’s he wandering the base? What’s he trying to pull?”

 “Miko…” The former Wrecker sighed, kneeling down and placing his hand down so his palm formed a wall in front of the human. “We’ll talk about it later.”

 “Why not now!? He could wreck something and him being here is just fu—“

 “Language, Miko.”

 Breakdown looked over to the others as ‘Miko’ grumbled and started to argue with Bulkhead; Arcee was glaring at him with pure malice, while her pet just looked dumbfounded, and Bumblebee’s pet as well as the yellow scout looked very concerned.

 “Bee… What’s going on?” The small human asked.

 Bumblebee seemed to be unsure of what to say before he knelt down. ‘ _Well, Raf… Breakdown’s left the Decepticons and he’s had a… hard time._ ’ He beeped to the human. ‘ _So he’s staying here at the moment_.’

 ‘Raf’ blinked. “A hard time?” He asked cautiously, as if afraid of the answer. He looked to Breakdown hesitantly. “What happened?”

 Bumblebee’s optics widened and he waved his hands to say ‘No! Don’t do it!’, which only furthered confused the human.

 Breakdown sighed, not wanting to explain but feeling that they wouldn’t leave him alone if he tried to evade the question. He scoffed in response. “We had a Sparkeater on board. Tore up a lot of the crew.” He said with a small sneer.

 “A Sparkeater?” The last human asked, quirking an eyebrow. “What is that?”

 “Don’t bother asking, Jack.” Arcee interrupted bluntly, still glaring at the former Decepticon. “You don’t need to know.”

 “Arcee—“

 “It’s nothing, alright!?” the femme snapped bitterly, turning on her heel and skulking off.

 Everyone in the room looked over to the hallways Arcee had gone to, all of them silent. Most of them wondered why she was so angry, but Breakdown had an idea of why she had stormed off like that.

 ‘Once a ‘Con, always a ‘Con.’

 “…So…” ‘Raf’ broke the silence, looking up to the blue mech. He seemed unsure of what to do, but he mostly seemed to want to avoid angering him. “…Have you ever played Othello?”

 Well, that was even more unexpected.

 “WHAT?” Miko shouted, looking at the younger human in shock. “I mean! You can’t just…! Anata ga o susume wa watashi o karaka~tsu te kuso mo motte iru...”

 Breakdown raised an optic ridge, both at the suggestion and at the girl’s reaction, only for his confusion to rise up further at ‘Jack’s’ reaction.

 “Wait Raf… You sure?” He asked, glancing between the younger human and the blue ‘Con.

 Raf nodded. “Maybe it’ll help him settle in. I mean, Bee did say that he’s had a hard time, so it might help.” He explained, looking back up to Breakdown. “So, what do you think?”

 The blue mech remained silent for a few seconds before he spoke again, causing the human child to smile.

 “…What’s Othello?”

* * *

 Bulkhead had walked off in search of Arcee shortly after Raf had asked Breakdown to play some weird human board game. He had seen it in action before and he honestly thought is overly complicated and unnecessary, although Raf seemed to enjoy it a lot.

 As the youngest human went to set up the game, the former Wrecker decided to find the irate femme and ask her what was wrong. He already had a feeling what the issue was, but he wanted to confirm it as well as get the whole story; he just hoped she didn’t tried to shoot his arm off for so much as breathing incorrectly.

 He knew that he was getting close when he heard some grunts and cried coming from one of the warehouse units, the same one the Autobots gathered in the previous day. He gently opened the door and walked in…

 …only to scream and duck as the head of a training dummy flew right at him.

 He looked at the object that had slammed into the wall and fallen to the ground – noting that it resembled that slime ball Swindle – and looked hesitantly up to Arcee, who was glaring daggers at him and her arms folded tightly across her chest.

 “What do you want, Bulkhead?” She snapped, her arm blade slipping back into place.

 The green mech stammered for a few moments, still shocked from his near death experience via decapitated dummy head before speaking again. “Well… ‘Cee… What’s wrong?” He asked, only to wince at the bitter icy glare sent his way. “I mean, yeah, I get you’re angry with Breakdown being here, but you didn’t have to—“

 “I REFUSE to let him go near the humans!” The femme interrupted, already pulling out another dummy resembling Vortex. “He’s dangerous Bulk. I know he’s planning something, but everyone is just so eager to allow him in here, even you! And you hate the formfragger!”

 “True, we’ve been enemies, but you didn’t see him when we found him!” Bulkhead argued, his frame tightening with annoyance. “Yeah, I thought he was lying at first, but the more he talked, the more that theory was being pushed out the window!”

 “Or maybe he’s just a good actor!” The blue femme started to aim a few left jabs and right hooks at the dummy’s torso, occasionally landing a kick to its side. “Then again, Breakdown is probably one of the dumber ‘Cons out here. So, he might just think that he’s a good liar.”

 Bulkhead’s fist tightened. “He’s not like that!” He barked. “He might not be as smart as Shockwave, but he was pretty creative when it came to coming up with tactics! He was good at hiding things too…”

 Arcee shifted both her hands into blasters, shooting at the training dummy’s face until a smouldering hole took its place. She glared at her teammate. “Like what he’s planning?”

 The mech sighed. “Arcee, that’s now what I… Look, this is crazy.” He continued, stepping forward. “I know you hate the Decepticons for what they’ve done, but there is always going to be at least one good guy in a group of bad guys, just like how there’s always at least one bad guy in a group of good guys.”

 “Now who’s the crazy one!?” Arcee snarled, shifting her blasters back. “Give one good reason why I should allow Breakdown to stay!”

 Bulkhead remained silent for a few kliks. “…You remember Drift? And Ambulon?” He asked. “They were Decepticons as well, but they changed and became some of our closest allies.”

 The femme scoffed. “Except Drift’s friends were murdered and Ambulon was experimented on…” Her glared became stronger and colder. “We don’t know if Breakdown is telling the truth. And what would you do if it turns out he had been lying all this time?”

 Silence fell in the room, the only sound being the air-conditioning and the distant sound of Miko playing on her guitar. The two Autobots remained staring at each other, waiting for the other to crack first.

 Bulkhead sighed. “Just… just don’t take it too far, okay?” He said, turning to leave. “There could be something worse going on and we just don’t see it yet.”

* * *

 “Prime! I need to discuss—“

 Optimus turned when he heard Agent Fowler shouting only for the human to pause with a confused expression. Then again, he supposed that the sight of Raf and Breakdown playing some odd Earth board game with black and white disks was a bit of a shock. So far, it looked like Raf had been winning while Breakdown was staring at the board with an almost comical intensity.

 Looking away from the two, he turned back to the agent. “Agent Fowler.” He said with a small nod. “I’m pleased that we could discuss this in person.”

 The human stared at the young child and former Decepticon for a few more moments before turning back to Optimus. “What in the name of Uncle Sam is he doing here!?” He snapped. Ah, straight to the point as always. “What possessed you to take in a known Decepticon!?”

 “I can hear you, you know.” Breakdown interjected, still looking at the board before pointing at a space, Jack placing a disk black side up onto it and flipping over three white disks.

 Fowler ignored him in favour of the Autobot. “Firstly, how has he behaved since he arrived on the base?” He asked, his tone demanding the absolute truth.

 The Autobot leader made a small noise. “So far, there was Breakdown’s… distress upon coming into the base and earlier today, Bumblebee had told me that he had a bad dream and felt unwell afterwards.” He explained calmly. “Other than that, he has been fine.”

 The human raised an eyebrow. “He hasn’t tried anything else? Or at least been aggressive to anyone else?”

 Optimus shook his head. “The only times were that he had told Bumblebee to leave him alone.” He admitted. “There was also last night. Ratchet had told me he had been rude, but had apologised for what he said.”

 Fowler nodded. “I see…” He sounded unconvinced. “Just… just be on the lookout, alright? Make sure he doesn’t do anything… especially if it hurts the kids.”

 The Prime nodded in agreement. “We will keep surveillance on him.” He said, turning his head to look at Breakdown, who was glaring intensely at the game board with Raf smiling lightly. “We’ll alert you of any change in condition that appears.”

* * *

 Daran trembled as he watched Knock Out casually sip a cube of energon, as if he were unaware of the fact that his left pede was resting on top of another Vehicon’s severed head. It had been a horrible situation to begin with; as the medic was screaming at the Vehicons to look for Breakdown for the second day in a row, one of the other Vehicons – Zed – started shouting all kinds of profanities (Both human and Cybertronian) about how Breakdown didn’t deserve to be ‘abused by a fragged-up scumbag’ like Knock Out.

 The mech responded by calmly grabbing hold of the mech’s head… and cleanly cutting it off with his saw.

 Knock Out glared at the corpse and muttered something that chilled the sparks of anyone who had heard it.

 “It’s not abuse… it never was…”

 Daran shuddered as he remembered those words. How could that monster not see what he had been doing to Breakdown? How could he be so blind to all the pain and suffering he had put the poor mech through?

 Then again, that mech had gone insane…

 “You there!”

 The Vehicon snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the exclamation. He faced the red mech, trying to keep himself from trembling. “Yes sir?” He asked, his voice rising in pitch slightly.

 Knock Out scowled. “Any more word on where Breakdown is?” He asked bluntly, sipping more of his energon.

 Daran shook his head. “No sir.” He said simply, tensing as he spoke. “We haven ‘t found anything, but the scouts are looking for any traces, sir.”  
The medic growled, baring his denta and getting out of his seat. “What are you doing standing around scratching your afts then!?” He roared, throwing his cube of energon at the trembling Vehicon. “If you had actually done anything, Breakdown would be back home now!”

 “I’m sorry sir!” Daran squealed, holding his arms out in front of him. “We’re all trying our hardest!”

 “WELL YOUR ‘BEST’ IS GETTING US NOWHERE!” Knock Out stalked forward until his faceplates were right in front of the Vehicon’s own. He wrapped his hand around his throat. “Now then, you go and bring Breakdown back now before I THROW YOU OFF THE SHIP! Understood…?”

 With that, the mech threw the Vehicon away, making him run off. Daran didn’t look back to see Knock Out’s reaction, focusing more on staying alive. When the doors slammed closed behind him, he allowed himself to sag in relief.

 It was insane…

 He couldn’t stand being here anymore…

 But if he left…

 Daran shook his head and walked away, about to fulfil the order… even though he felt like Unicron for such a cruel deed.

* * *

 “Aw, c’mon! Do we have to go now?”

 “For the sixth time Miko, yes!” Ratchet snapped, shooing the humans out and towards the exit. It was nearing seven o’clock in human time and the humans normally had to leave by now. However, Miko wanted to stay behind and continue asking Breakdown questions, even when he seemed highly uncomfortable.

 And the blue mech was grateful that they had to go now.

 He wouldn’t lie, he did find some things to like about them – Raf was smart and polite, Jack was very witty (even if his humour was mostly sarcasm) and Miko had a lot of energy and ambition – and he had enjoyed their company. Even then, however, he really did want to go and rest.

 All those questions…

 Breakdown sighed as he walked to where his temporary quarters were. He had tried his hardest to answer the questions, but actually say what had happened on the Nemesis or what he had gone through. Just enough to satisfy Miko’s curiosity.

 “Maybe I’ll be more up to it tomorrow.” He mumbled to himself.

 “Breakdown.”

 The blue mech froze and turned around, seeing Arcee standing there with a scowl on her face and her arms folded across her chest. Her EM field was tight with annoyance and there was a deep-seated anger deep down inside it.

 “We need to talk.”

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's going to be a bit of weird one and I guess you can already tell that I am awful at writing the human characters, but then again, I've never done it before so that's my excuse for it. :P
> 
> By the way, Miko is saying 'you gotta be f**king kidding me' - or at least that's what Google Translate says. XD
> 
> Have any of you played Othello? It's also called Reversi and it's a fun game, even though I'm pretty bad at it... or maybe my Dad just has more experience with the game and he's the only one I've played against. :P
> 
> IDW mixing as well, because I thought those two would be good examples of Bulkhead's point here.


	5. Break Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains abusive relationships, child abuse and panic attacks. Please be careful.

** Chapter 5  
Break Me **

  _“Breakdown!”_

_The blue mech stopped in his tracks and turned around, his spark freezing when he saw Knock Out walking towards him, his EM field flaring in anger. He swallowed and tried to smile. “Hey, what’s up?”_

_The red mech scowled. “We need to talk.”_

_He didn’t have enough time to ask what the problem was before the medic started shouting. “I saw you! You and that Vehicon!” He snarled, wagging a finger and his lips curled into a snarl “What were you talking about? What could have been so important that you had to go behind my back and talk to a lowly drone!?”_

_A sudden look of horror came across the smaller mech’s face, before it returned to the snarl. “You’re not FRAGGING him, are you!?”_

_Breakdown flinched at each word, trying to placate Knock Out with a hand gesture. “No, it’s not that at all Knock Out.” He said, trying to keep his voice calm and even. “I would never cheat on you. You’re the only for me, remember?”_

_He flinched again when the medic narrowed his optics. “How can I be sure?” He hissed. “You seem to avoid me a lot… What have I done wrong!?”_

_The blue mech froze as he was asked the questions. What could he say without getting a violent reaction? “Knock Out… babe…” He began, his throat constricting as he forced out the endearment. “You haven’t done anything wrong… I still love you… I just don’t want to annoy you by being clingy…”_

_The blue mech’s lies slithered out, leaving him resisting the urge to retch in disgust; he hated having to speak so sweetly to this monster…_

_Knock Out remained quiet before smirking slightly. “…Clingy? Oh, Breakdown… you know I love having you around… you don’t need to stay away…” His voice was sweet, but still held a venomous tone. However, there was still a dark glint in his optics. “…Who was that Vehicon? And what were you talking about?”_

_Breakdown didn’t respond straight away, already knowing just what would happen to that poor mech now. “…It was Vince – V1-NC3 – and he was just asking about a TV show he started watching… ‘American Horror Story’, or something like that…”_

_As the conversation continued, Breakdown felt his spark sinking, knowing he just condemned someone innocent to death…_

_* * *_

_“…Breakdown.”_

_The blue mech didn’t respond as he and his brothers stood in front of Springer, Commander of the Wreckers. The green mech was strict, but was still fair and he had the distinction of being one of the rare Autobots to be capable of flight._

_“We need to talk.”_

_Drag Strip scoffed bitterly. “What about?” He sneered, folding his arms across his chest. “If it’s about that thing at Kimia, that was self-defence!”_

_“I’m sure the forty-five injured and three dead civilians would disagree.” Springer said with a deadpan tone, his arms akimbo. He glared at the five mechs harshly. “Your actions are reckless and irresponsible, which even us Wreckers frown upon.”_

_“Oh yeah? How so?” Wildrider snapped, tapping his left foot in impatience._

_The green mech’s scowl intensified. “Firstly, Motormaster.” He said, turning to the large black and purple mech. “Your obsession with proving yourself almost cost your life and those in Impactor’s squadron when the bridge you were meant to defend had collapsed.”_

_Motormaster scoffed. “But those Conehead seekers got taken out, right!?” He snarled, losing his patience steadily._

_Springer ignored the comment and continued. “Dead End. You failed to assist Whirl when he was cornered by Lockdown’s group.”_

_The black and red mech huffed sullenly. “What’s the point?” He asked blandly, his purple visor dimming slightly. “We’re all helpless really… and even if he did need help, Whirl could have saved himself… for a little while anyway.”_

_“Bucket of sunshine, aren’t ya?” Drag Strip teased with a smirk._

_“And YOU!” Springer snapped, pointing to the golden mech. “Why the frag did you think that trying to race Ironfist was more important than actually getting to our position!?”_

_“I got there at least!” He whined, only to look thoughtful. “And I thought it was Fisitron…”_

_“Wildrider… oh Wildrider…” The green mech continued. “You were responsible for at least five of those injuries….Where do I even_ begin _with you and what you’ve done?”_

_The black and red mech burst out laughing. “Whatever!” He screeched. “All that matters is that I took down a lot more ‘Cons than whoever happened to get in the way!”_

_Breakdown tried to ignore the ensuing argument, knowing that he was up next to the chopping block. He knew exactly what he had done wrong and he knew why he did it._

_And he had a feeling that he knew what would happen to him and his brothers now._

_After all, what use did Wreckers have for failures?_

_* * *_

_“Breakdown!”_

_The blue youngling trembled as he approached the black and blue mech, whose EM field was flared with anger and his expression bore a fake smile._

_“Yes Sire…?”_

_The older mech knelt down, allowing Breakdown to smell the high-grade on his breath. “We need to talk.” He said, his voice dripping with poisoned sweetness. “Now, why were you at the police station today? You know you can’t leave the house unless someone’s with you, don’t you?”_

_The youngling nodded, too scared to speak right then. It was true that he had left the house, but he really needed to talk to an officer, but all he had gotten was an officer shrugging off his words and his Sire bursting in and dragging him back home by the arm._

_He could just about see the dents left behind._

_“Well?” His sire questioned, his voice louder and more irritated. “Why were you there today?”_

_Breakdown glanced to the side, finding his brothers cowering in the corner with Motormaster standing in front as if guarding the younger mechs._

_“I… I…”_

SLAP! __

_“Hurry up and tell me!” The older mech snarled, grabbing hold of Breakdown’s arm again_

_The youngling squeaked before forcing out his words. “I… I was worried about Carrier…” He finally said. “I wanted to ask if they could help us find her…”_

_A tense silence fell across the room as Breakdown trembled, his siblings tensed and his Sire scowled. “And why is that?” the older mech sneered. “I already told you that she left us! She’s not coming back ‘cause she doesn’t care for us anymore! She only cared about herself!”_

_Breakdown wanted to argue back, but he knew it would only get him into even more trouble than he already was. It didn’t help that he was already lying and that he knew his Sire was lying too._

_He knew where Carrier was._

_He saw Sire hit her until she stopped moving._

_And he wanted Sire to leave for what he had done._

_* * *_

_‘We need to talk.’_

 An innocuous phrase, but for Breakdown it only held pain, anger and bitterness. Everytime it was said to him, it would only lead to something horrible for him.

 What’s to say that this would be different?

* * *

 “I’m talking to you!”

 Breakdown snapped back to attention, looking back down to Arcee. The femme hadn’t budged from where she stood and she still looked enraged, so the mech assumed that him blanking like that did not do any favours for her foul mood.

 “Yeah? What’s up?” Breakdown asked, deciding that friendly yet stern would be a way to get the info he wanted and end the conversation quickly; he did want to be alone for a while.

 The femme sneered. “You know exactly what the problem is.” She snapped bitterly, taking a step forward. “A Decepticon like you has no right to be here with us.”

 The blue mech scowled; this was going to be a tough one. “I’m not a ‘Con anymore… they’re all gone, so I can’t be one.” He responded coolly, folding his arms as well. “Besides, didn’t Prime tell you that I’m a neutral now?”

 “Once a ‘Con, always a ‘Con.” Arcee’s hand clenched into a fist and her voice trembled in fury. “And I know you’re planning something. Everyone else may be blind to it, but I know what you’re up to.”

 “And what would that be?”

 The two-wheeler scoffed. “You’re just going to make everything think you’ve turned over a new leaf and when the time’s right, you’ll just stab us in the back!” She snapped, taking another step forward. “I wouldn’t put it past you, since you’ve already betrayed Bulkhead and you’ve hung out with that backstabber _Knock Out!_ ”

 Silence fell between the two and Breakdown took a step back. That Primus damned name! One he hoped to never hear ever again. One that caused him so pain and misery in such a short amount of time…

 “…Don’t say that name.”

 Arcee paused, only to sneer. “And why not?” She hissed, stepping forward once more as the blue mech took a step back. "You've spent years with that sadistic, narcissistic scrapheap... so why don't you want to talk about him now?"

 Breakdown took two steps back, his spark speeding up as memories started to trickle into his processor. Cruel, vile, sick images of that monster who treated him so cruelly...

 "Just... just... stop..." He muttered, wrapping his arms around himself as he glanced to his sides.

 No one was there.

 No one could help him then.

 The femme didn't stop there.

 "Why should I stop!? Do you think that just because you're here means I'm going to forget all the things you helped with!?" Her optics narrowed into slits, looking like an organic feline getting ready to pounce. "If it's mercy or respite you want, then too bad! A 'Con like you doesn't deserve any of that!"

 "Arcee, please... I'm begging you...!"

 "Actually, I don't fragging care what had happened to you! How you were hurt! Because you know what?" She leaned forward, her EM field lashing out in raw fury and rage. "You DESERVE to be punished!"

 It snapped.

 Breakdown's processor split open as a flood of memories of what he endured at the hands of that Monster came rushing back to him, along with the words of both praise and venom.

 'You slag heap!'

 'You have a beautiful face...'

 'Face it. I'm the only who's ever loved you...!'

 'I didn't mean to say that...'

 'Why!? Look at what I've had to do because of your selfishness!'

 'I don't know what I'd do without you...'

 The mech's vents sped up and his helm started to pound furiously, feeling as if it would crack at any moment. He placed his hands on his head as if it would help alleviate his pain. "Stop... oh Primus, stop...!"

 Arcee's fury seemed to only increase. "Don't give me that scrap now!" She roared, her whole frame tensing as she continued her accusations. "You can't possibly think that I'll change my mind just because you put this little show on!? It's pathetic! YOU'RE PATHETIC!"

 Her words faded out as Breakdown's mind continued to fill up with painful memories, unaware of anything going on around him.

 The pain...

 It was too much!

 He sank to his knees, still holding onto his head as every single memory came to him and forced him deeper and deeper into his own agony and suffering...

 He screamed.

 He shut his optics and tried to drown out the pain, any of it... any of it all...

 ...Who was that?

 Was someone talking to him?

 Breakdown could hear muffled words and feel something on his shoulder, but he barely registered it. The words suddenly started to clear up, but it took a while longer (A few minutes? An hour? Who knew?) for any of it to make sense.

 "...down! Breakdown! I'm here!"

 What was Ratchet doing here?

 "Breakdown, I know that you've gone through a hard time, but you're not there anymore!" Even though he sounded stern, the medic was keeping his tone calm and collected with concern filling his words. "Focus on the now. You're in a safer place. You're safe."

 The memories began to slow down, but they still hurt the blue mech and he still couldn't breathe properly. The hand from his shoulder moved and was now pulling his hand away from his head and holding it carefully.

 "Breakdown. I would like you to breathe." Ratchet said slowly and carefully. "Can you do that?"

 He nodded and tried to even out his venting, but it wasn't doing anything. "I... I can't..."

 "I'll help you. I'll count and you breathe, okay?" A reassuring squeeze of the hand. "I'll count to ten and you breathe along, alright?"

 Breakdown wasn't sure, but nodded anyway.

 "Okay, first breathe in as slowly as you can."

 He did so, slowly sucking in air, although it was very shaky.

 "Good. You're doing great so far." Ratchet's praise sounded very sincere, accompanied with another squeeze of the hand. "Now, hold your breath and when I count to ten, breathe out, okay?"

 Breakdown obeyed, listening carefully as the medic started to count and when the number was reached, he exhaled as slowly as he could.

 "Good job! Just a little more, okay?"

 It continued like that for a while until Breakdown could feel the memories slowing down to a trickle until they stopped altogether, leaving behind faint whispers.

 The blue mech looked up to the orange and white mech, seeing that his optics were filled with worry and he was smiling sadly. "Great job Breakdown. I'm very proud of you." He said carefully. "Is there anything you need at all?"

 Breakdown remained silent for a few moments before he dared to answer. "I... I just want to go to my room..."

 The medic nodded and helped the other mech to his feet. "Alright then. I think you should probably rest for a while." He said, starting to lead away the mech to his temporary quarters.

* * *

 Everyone had been stunned into silence after what they had seen.

 Jack knew something was up when Arcee excused herself, only saying that she ‘needed to settle something’ and walked off swiftly. He briefly contemplated going after her, only to reprimand himself for even thinking of it; that was something that only Miko would try.

 But the screaming started.

 The teen, along with Bumblebee; Bulkhead; Miko and Raf, had gone to the source and were shocked to see Arcee shouting slurs and insults at Breakdown, while he knelt on the floor in obvious pain and distress.

 None of them knew what to do and it was only when Ratchet and Optimus had arrived that anything got resolved as the Prime tried to calm down Arcee and the medic tried to calm down Breakdown. It took a while, but Arcee had stopped shouting and Ratchet had led Breakdown away.

 Optimus had turned to them and spoke in a tight voice, his expression locked into a neutral mask. “Arcee will remain in the base. Bumblebee, please drop off Jack as well as Rafael.”

 Which now led to his current situation.

 He had long since gotten home after an uncomfortably silent journey home and sat at the table with his mother, aimlessly poking at his plate of sweet and sour tofu stir fry and still bothered by what happened earlier. Just what had happened exactly?

 June looked up from her half-empty plate, her brow furrowed in worry. “Jack? You okay?” She asked, putting her fork down. “You’ve been really quiet since you came in. Did something happen?”

 Jack looked up from his plate, his mouth in a tight line. “Mom…” He began, sighing quietly. “I… I don’t even know what happened.”

 June blinked and leaned forward slightly. “You know you can tell me what’s bothering you. I might not have known about the Autobots for long, but if it’s about them then you can say.” Her eyes were filled with concern “So. What happened?”

 Jack sighed again. “Okay, well… this is gonna be kind of weird…”

 She smiled. “Trust me. I’ve seen and heard it all.”

 With those words, Jack started to tell his mother what had happened that day; Breakdown being in the base, his behaviour, Arcee’s anger, the panic attack Breakdown had… Every last detail he knew.

 When he finished, he noticed that June looked horrified, angered and saddened by what she had just heard. She inhaled deeply before she spoke again. “Firstly, thank you for telling me this.” She said, her voice more quiet and muted than before. “Secondly… while I’m not sure about… well, a Decepticon being in the base, something terrible must have happened if he had a panic attack like that. At the same time, I’m disappointed that Arcee had reacted that way. I don’t care why, what she did was wrong and frankly, disgusting.”

 Jack nodded, noticing that the silence had become solemn again. “…Yeah.” He said quietly. He looked up to June. “I want to know why that all happened, but I’m still upset at Arcee for what she had done… What do I do?”

 June sighed quietly. “I don’t know… whatever Breakdown’s gone through, he’ll have to come to terms with it, but he’ll have to do it at his own pace.” She continued, going into her ‘nurse’ mode. “You can’t rush recovery, physical or mental.  But you can be there for him, so that he knows he’s not alone. If it will help at all, I’ll come over to the base someday and talk to him.”

 To be honest, the teen wasn’t exactly sure if that would be a wise decision, but he still had a feeling he had to trust his mother on this matter; she had dealt with more aggressive patients in the past. “…Sure.” He finally said. “I’ll ask Optimus if it’s okay.”

 His mother nodded and smiled. “It’ll be okay, Jack.” She said. “I’m sure everything will get better soon enough.”

 If only Jack could believe those words so easily.

* * *

 Even though he didn’t look it, Optimus was furious.

 He had made it explicitly clear that everyone was to treat Breakdown with kindness and respect as if he were a fellow Autobot, but while he knew Arcee would repelled by the idea, he had expected her to not act so cruel towards the mech regardless of her views about the Decepticons.

 When Bumblebee and Bulkhead had arrived back at the base, he had asked them to go to their quarters and they had obeyed immediately, possibly because his voice had shook with barely restrained fury. Ratchet was still with Breakdown after his panic attack and Arcee was stood in front of the Prime, silent but still irritated.

 After a while, Ratchet came back in, looking tired and more weary than normal.

 “How is Breakdown doing, old friend?” Optimus asked carefully, sending a pulse of reassurance, love and concern across their sparkbond.

 “He’ll recover.” Ratchet responded, reciprocating the emotions. “I gave him some energon and he’s gone to recharge. Out like a light actually. Must have been tired from… what happened.”

 The red and blue mech nodded. “Now that everything has settled down, I believe it is best that we discuss what had happened today.” He said, looking to Arcee with harsh optics. “Now Arcee… why did you do that?”

 “Isn’t it obvious?” The femme snapped. “That ‘Con has been playing innocent ever since he got here. He had to know that he’ll never fit with us.”

 “That is no excuse to induce a fraggin’ panic attack!” Ratchet hissed back, stunning the other two Autobots. “Now, if you had actually bothered to observe his behaviour recently, you would know that he had been traumatised from whatever happened to him! Especially when you compare it to how he’s behaved before!”

 The femme appeared nonplussed. “Maybe he’s just a good actor.” Her whole frame tensed and her EM field flared in anger. “They’re all liars one way or another, so why should Breakdown be any different?”

 Optimus shut his optics. “You cannot assume the behaviour of one because of its fellow kind.” He said sadly, yet a tinge of anger was in his words. “Arcee… I understand your animosity towards the Decepticons, but you cannot judge every last one to be sparkless. We have met many who were not sadistic, cruel or even bitter.”

 “I remember bumping into a small group of Decepticons. The only danger they held was that one of them had a very itchy trigger finger.” Ratchet shrugged his shoulders, recalling the group and their antics.

 “Then how come he was one of the higher ranking officers on the Nemesis? On Megatron’s main warship!?” Arcee questioned, her optics narrowed and her jaw clenched. “No one could have gotten that position without having committed atrocities! No doubt Breakdown’s been involved… Don’t you even remember Kaon? When he crushed a mech’s head with his bare hands!?”

 “That is enough, Arcee.” Optimus interrupted firmly. “While he has done wrong, he has still been hurt and it is our responsibility to help him.”

 “He deserves to be hurt!”

 That answer stunned both mechs into silence, with the prime wearing a saddened expression and the medic wearing an enraged expression.

 “How dare you!” Ratchet roared, stepping forward as his EM field lashed out at Arcee, making her wince. “No one deserves to go through any of that! None of the pain! Would you have done the same thing to an Autobot!?”

 “Of course not!”

 Optimus’ calm demeanour finally cracked, a furious scowl coming across his features. “Arcee… you disappoint me.” He said quietly, trying to keep his anger out of his voice but it still shook. “By showing such callous disregard for Breakdown’s wellbeing… you have just proven yourself no better than the ‘cruel Decepticon’ you expected of him.”

 Those words echoed around the room, finally making the femme open her optics and shock to fill her face. She took a step back. “What…?” Her voice was suddenly filled with remorse.

 Optimus nodded solemnly. “Until you can find it in your spark to treat Breakdown with any sympathy regardless of his former allegiance, I hereby relieve you of duty and ban you from leaving the base until further notice.” Before any protest could be made, he continued. “That means you will not pick up or drop off Jack, go on missions, or on patrol. Now, go to your quarters.”

 The femme looked ready to continue the argument, but another glare from Ratchet and Optimus sent her walking quietly to her room, leaving the two mechs alone.

 When they heard Arcee’s footsteps fade completely, Ratchet let out a short frustrated growl. “She has some nerve!” He hissed angrily. “How dare she think it was acceptable to break someone like that! It is absolutely disgusting…! I can’t believe that she--!”

 “Ratchet.” Optimus interrupted, sending another pulse across their sparkbond to calm down the medic. “That’s enough. I’m sure that we can mend this… it may take a while, but I know we can get there.”

 The medic sighed, moving to the prime and resting his forehead on the taller mech’s chest. “I just don’t know Optimus… I don’t know…”

* * *

 Arcee sat on her berth, her knees drawn tight to her chest and her head resting on them. The words spoken earlier had been harsh, but the more she thought it over, the more it started to hurt.

 Optimus was right…

 She had been so cruel…

 Maybe she was just as bad as the ‘Cons.

 No… maybe even worse.

 She sighed and shut her optics, silently reprimanding herself for managing to break a mech in so little time.

  _‘What have I done?’_

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, finished this a lot more quickly than normal.
> 
> So, here's a flashback and drama heavy chapter! Also, Arcee is being a bitch here, so fair warning. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but I don't think she would be all strawberries and cream with Breakdown.
> 
> Also, if someone is having a panic attack, there are things you should NEVER do (i.e. leave them alone, say they're overreacting) and things you can do to help (i.e. ask what they need, help them with their breathing), so be careful. Here are the source I used for this on that matter:
> 
> Do's: http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/helping-someone-during-a-panic-attack-topic-overview  
> Don'ts: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/09/07/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-panic-disorder/
> 
> BTW, I really like June Darby and I even cosplayed as her at Auto Assembly 2014! So while I don't have any photos of that, a few have popped up on Tumblr, so you'll know. :P
> 
> Spot the IDW joke! (Difficulty: Insultingly easy :P)


	6. Regrets

** Chapter 6  
Regrets **

 Unbeknownst to Optimus, Ratchet and Arcee, Bumblebee had been watching the whole argument. He had heard every last word and accusation, gasping quietly when Arcee’s fury came full force. After the whole situation ended, he had crept back to his own room, his doorwings trembling with emotion.

 He was scared, for one thing. He just couldn’t believe how frightening Arcee could be and her disregard for how Breakdown was shocked him. That also made him angry, how could she be so horrible!? He wouldn’t do that to anyone, even if they ‘deserved’ it!

 All of it gave way to sadness.

 He sighed quietly, his steps slowing down until he came to a halt. He was worried for Breakdown; he had been when he initially came in, but it seemed the longer he was here, the more that concern grew. That panic attack today had been the peak of worry and he wanted to help the blue mech in any way he could.

 He looked up, blinking in surprise when he noticed that he was right outside Breakdown’s room. How did he end up here exactly? Maybe deep down, he wanted to see how Breakdown was doing.

 That would be a bad idea.

 Bumblebee stood there for a few moments, wondering if it would be okay to go in a just check on the mech to make sure he was okay. Who knew? Maybe he wanted someone to talk to or at least have around. Worth a shot at least.

 Stepping forward, the scout gently knocked on the door. ‘ _Breakdown? It’s me, Bumblebee._ ’ He called softly, his beeping quiet and smooth. ‘ _You okay? Can I come in?_ ’

 No answer.

 He knocked again, surprised that the door silently opened. Bumblebee remained still for a few more moments before silently stepping inside. He would most likely get into trouble for this, but he needed to see how Breakdown was doing.

 He blinked when he saw the blue mech lying on his berth and facing the wall, deep in recharge. The scout let himself relax, knowing that at least he was able to rest. He allowed himself the luxury of sighing in relief, slowly backing out of the room and shutting the door behind him.

 ‘ _I just hope it gets better, Breakdown._ ’ He muttered quietly before walking back to his room, hoping for the best.

~ ~ ~

  _The hallways of the base were deathly quiet, with not even the sound of the ventilations breaking the stillness. Even Breakdown’s footsteps were oddly quiet as he continued to walk, wondering why it was taking so much longer to get to where he needed to be._

_Where was everybody?_

_A quiet clang made the blue mech pause, looking around for the source of the noise. Just what was that? The noise continued and steadily got louder and louder… closer and closer… More and more foreboding…_

_A scream._

_That snapped Breakdown out of his stupor, making him run down the hallway, wincing as more screams joined the first and formed a brutal symphony of suffering. Just as the song reached a crescendo, threatening to break the blue mech’s audials with the sheer intensity…_

_It stopped._

_He looked up, his spark freezing and his tanks churning in dread at the scene before him. He blinked repeatedly, hoping that what he was seeing would disappear and fade away because it wasn’t real itcouldn’tbeitjustcouldn’tbe…_

_Nothing._

_Energon splattered the walls of the main room, the blue substance also slicking the floor, the computer monitors and the platforms that the humans used. But what hurt the most was that the corpses of all of the Autobots were scattered across the room, each in various states of mutilation and disfigurement. Optimus was slumped against the wall, his chest torn to shreds and his sparkchamber missing. Arcee’s limbs were tossed around the room, yet her body was nowhere to be seen. Bumblebee lay in a puddle of his energon, his throat and the lower half of his face ripped apart and his big blue optics staring blankly at the side. Bulkhead’s head sat underneath the computer console and his body was slashed everywhere across its surface, leaving very little to recognise…_

_And standing in the middle of the carnage, hand wrapped around a struggling Ratchet’s throat was a familiar red mech, hand replaced with a drill and a mad glint in his scarlet optics…_

_“…Knock Out…”_

_The medic looked up, as if unaware of the whimpering Autobot he was clutching. He smiled venomously. “Breakdown.” He said calmly. “Why did you leave me, my love? Am I not good enough for you?”_

_The blue mech remained still, trying to form any words at all to try and get the red mech to go away and never come back._

_Before any words could leave him, Ratchet pulled out of Knock Out’s grasp, crawling forward and towards Breakdown. “Run! Run away!” He cried out, his voice filled to the brim with tears. “For the love of Primus, Breakdown, RUN!”_

_Before he could say anymore, Knock Out struck._

_Quick as a serpent, he brought his now active drill down, piercing the Autobot medic’s throat. The mech’s words came out garbled as energon filled his throat and dribbled from his throat and mouth. Knock Out slowly pulled the drill out, looking as if he were relishing the blue fluid that now splattered the ground, himself and Breakdown. Ratchet’s body fell to the ground with a loud thud, his fingers twitching and voice gurgling for a few moments before stopping._

_The blue mech looked up. “You… You can’t do this!” He finally cried out, his voice strangled._

_“Oh Breakdown, my dear…” the red mech cooed, only to laugh. “I already have.”_

_He pounced forward, drill poised and aimed for Breakdown’s face…_

~ ~ ~

 Breakdown screamed.

 He looked around fearfully, hoping he wouldn’t see a single flash of red paint. Even when he saw nothing else, his body still refused to calm down. He growled in frustration and slammed a fist down onto the berth. “Frag!” He shouted, his voice strangled.

 Why? Why was he being tortured this way!?

 What did he do to deserve this…?

 Oh, who was he kidding?

 “I deserve all this…” Breakdown muttered, tears beading up in his optic. “All of it, every piece of scrap that has happened to me… I deserve it… He was right… I am worthless…”

 He sobbed quietly, allowing the darkness of the room to surround him…

~ ~ ~

 Bulkhead wasn’t sure what woke him up from recharge, or what made him walk through the base and into one of the store rooms.

 But now that he’s come across Breakdown curled up in the corner, a few canisters of high grade scattered around and an empty cube in his hand, he didn’t exactly want to back out.

 “Breakdown?” He asked cautiously. “What are you doing?”

 The blue mech sniffed. “I wanna forget.” He said, his words slurring a little. “So much scrap, not enough high-grade… This is absolute… what’s the word again, that the crazy human used in that Primus-awful movie Airachnid liked…? Oh yeah! ‘Rat piss’!”

 The former wrecker blinked as Breakdown suddenly burst out laughing. Too many things were strange about this, the human expletive being the least of it. Breakdown always restrained himself if he was drinking and never had too much… But then again, considering what happened to him, he would be behaving differently to certain extents.

 “Uh… you okay?”

 Breakdown laughed harder, the sound eerily similar to sobbing. “Of course not! I mean, that Monster just tortured me, force fed me all my teammates including the one I actually liked and… and kept me locked up, but… pfft! That’s nothing!” He babbled, filling his cube with more high grade and taking a large swig. “A’course, Arcee just had to go and yell at me, but who am I kidding? Once a ‘con, always a ‘con. So how ‘bout it, a toast to me throwing my life away! Good fragging riddance!”

 The rant made Bulkhead’s spark twinge in pain. Did he really think that? The hurt was obviously deeper and much more hurtful than he thought… He had no idea what to do, or how he could help in   
any way.

 And that really stung.

 “Hey, what’s this one?” The blue mech’s voice snapped the wrecker out of his reverie. He jumped when he saw the container in hand.

 “Woah, hey! Put that back!” He snapped, taking the canister and putting it on the ground. “You really should not touch that. Because you’re overcharged already and, Jackie brewed this! Don’t you remember what happened to Pyro after he had too much?”

 Silence settled in the room for a moment, before Breakdown’s laughter boomed through the room, which made Bulkhead chuckle quietly as well. “That was hilarious!” The blue mech snorted, draining the rest of his cube. “I bet he didn’t think Lancer would do THAT to him! I mean, she was dating… dating Greenlight then!”

 Bulkhead chuckled. “Yeah… I guess that staff she developed was a bit much…” He agreed. He saw that Breakdown was reaching for the canister and pulled it away. “You still can’t have that.”

 “You’re no fun.”

* * *

 Arcee was curled up in her berth, holding her knees to her chest as she stared at the wall. What Ratchet and Optimus said to her still rang in her audials, each repetition only serving to make her feel worse than she already did.

 No better than the ‘cruel Decepticon’ you expected of him.

 The femme curled up tighter, regret filling every fibre of her being over what she had said. She had felt so much fury and anger in that instant that she couldn’t stop herself. All the bile and venom that she locked inside herself, one she learned to link the Decepticon name had cracked and spilt, that anger corroding anything in its path.

 It burned her too.

 The femme sighed and sat up, still looking down at her knees. She didn’t know what to do in this situation; she wanted to help, but she knew that it was almost impossible to even begin to make up for what she had done.

 She lied back down, getting ready to get back to recharge…

 CRASH!

 “Primus dammit you two!”

 Arcee sat upright, blinking at hearing Ratchet’s voice. Quietly stepping off of her berth and out of her room, she peered out into the hallway and couldn’t believe what she was seeing. At the same time, it made her smile a little, even thought it was still tinged with a rueful sadness.

 Bulkhead and Breakdown were stumbling down the hallway, obviously overcharged out of their processors. They were singing some old and incredibly crass shanty, while Ratchet was hot on their heels trying to get them to stand up straight and down the hall.

 The femme sighed and closed the door, that heaviness in her spark refusing to fade.

* * *

 Ratchet walked quietly through the forest, trying to avoid stepping on anything fragile, which was easier said than done.

 It was strange that a distress signal came through to the Autobot base, a hurried set of co-ordinates and a message of ‘HELP. MEDIC. IMPORTANT. BREAKDOWN.’

 The name of the now-former Decepticon was what startled everyone, prompting the older Autobot to leave for the destination and set out on his journey to find the source of the signal. But, the part that irked him the most was the destination.

 It was in the country of Japan – Miko’s homeland – and this was a particularly infamous spot and considered one of the most haunted areas in the world, which combined with frightful silence to create an eerie, lonely atmosphere.

 Aokigahara Forest.

 The suicide forest.

 Ratchet had done some research when he arrived and was horrified to see that the trees had blocked the wind and no living creature lived here, leaving him to hear the sounds of his own frame; his spark beating, the steady rhythm of his intakes and the clicking and whirring of his internal gears.

 The rising sun peered through the leaves in speckles of light, highlighting the dusty bones of human victims and even abandoned ropes at the roots or tangled in the branches.

 It always baffled the older mech why anyone would want to take their life. Sure, he understood that many felt that everything had gone horribly wrong and there was no chance of anything getting better. Or that a dark sadness threatened to drag them under pitch-black tides and they struggle to get back to the surface…

 But, another fear came to him; what about Breakdown? Would the hurt he endured be too much? Would Breakdown take matters into his own hands if they couldn’t help him?

 “Hm?”

 The medic’s track of thought was interrupted when he spotted something on the ground, blinking in confusion when he saw the bright blue droplet of liquid.

 Energon.

 Ratchet looked up and saw more droplets, walking slowly to follow the slowly growing path and starting to hear a single noise that seemed even louder because of the silence.

 A whimper.

 Moving forward, Ratchet stopped and saw a Vehicon. It was obviously badly injured, left arm missing and scratches all over his frame. He was clutching something in his right hand and his red visor was dimmed considerably. Ratchet already knew that there was a low chance of survival.

 But he had to try.

 He approached the Vehicon and knelt down by its side. “Are you alright?” He asked, going to professional mode. “What is your designation?”

 The soldier whimpered before answering. “E-Edith…” it answered, voice light and airy but stricken with agony. “Um… I… uh…”

 Ratchet nodded, making a small note to himself. So Vehicons had their own human names? He knew it was most likely wrong, but he would guess that this was a femme based on the name. “What is it, Edith?”

 She cried out and held out the object in her hand – a black disk. “I… I didn’t want to…” She said. “But… Knock Out… he made me…”

 That name made the medic’s processor freeze for a fleeting moment, remembering just how Breakdown refused to talk about the mech, even refusing to refer to him by name. “What is it, Edith?” He asked. “What did he want?”

The Vehicon’s intakes were slowing down, holding out the disk shakily. “Give… to… Breakdown… a-and… make him… come… h… h… home…” She whispered, her frame shaking and starting to turn grey. “…Break…down… help… him… puh…. Please…”

 Edith slumped, a tiny sigh leaving her.

 Ratchet shut his optics, a dull hurt in his spark.

 He felt he now had even just a mere inkling of understanding of what had happened, even if he didn’t have the full story. He knew that he would have to solve this somehow.

 He needed to help Breakdown.

 Tentatively picking up the disk, the medic opened up his comm-link to Optimus. “Optimus, I require a Ground Bridge.” He began sharply. “And I have something that may give us some more information.”

 ‘ _What is it, Old Friend?_ ’

 Ratchet held the disk up.

 “A message from Knock Out.”

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not doing anything, but I've been really busy/tired/stressed and so I couldn't bring myself to do a whole bunch of stuff. But, here is a new chapter... er, sort of. :P
> 
> Also, I am interested in Aokigahara forest, but I understand that the place may be upsetting for a lot of people, so I want to make sure you're aware of it. Here's the Wikipedia page if you're interested. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aokigahara
> 
> Here's is an official website about the forest as well, so feel free to look. http://www.aokigaharaforest.com/
> 
> Also, the 'Rat Piss' comment was from Repo! The Genetic Opera. Here's the scene in question: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTQ_i3_seDc


	7. Static

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to update the warning for the fic - it's going to be very uncomfortable from here on out.

**Chapter 7  
Static**

 Knock Out lay on his berth, an arm flung to the opposite side. He knew that if he could focus hard enough, he would be able to sense Breakdown’s presence… his warmth… his scent…

 Why did he leave?

 The red mech’s spark still ached agonisingly since the day his love disappeared and it had refused to fade away. None of those lazy, pathetic Vehicons were being any help, instead just wasting time, time that could have easily been used to find Breakdown at the snap of his fingers…

 Where was he? WHERE WAS HE?

 Knock Out had recorded so many messages in the hopes that Breakdown would pick up and answer them, just so they could go back to how things were. When it was the two of them in their company, just the two of them…

 He sighed and rolled onto his back, now in the middle of the double berth they had once shared. He shut his optics and inhaled.

 Breakdown’s scent came to him.

 If he imagined just hard enough…

 The medic keened quietly to himself, his left hand resting on his chest plates and slowly slid it down his body…

 “Ah… Breakdown~” He purred, his hand going lower and lower. “Look what you do to me…”

 He was alone, but he always did have a very vivid imagination…

* * *

 “A message from Knock Out?”

 Ratchet nodded at Bulkhead’s question, solemnly moving to the main computer console. He still held the disk in his hand, although there were tiny blue stains on it. He had brought the body of the Vehicon – Edith – back to the base, explaining that he was going to lay her to rest (who cared if it was Vehicon, she was still a Cybertronian dammit) and that they would examine the disk afterwards.

 Two hours had passed and Edith was now lying underground, a few stones forming a cairn the only marker of her existence.

 “I don’t know what the contents are, but it is imperative that we know.” He said calmly, placing the disk on top of the console, only to look to Optimus as if asking for permission.

 The Prime, however, wore a look of concern on his face. He was fearful of what would be on that disc and what if Breakdown saw it? Heard it? How would he react to that? Considering just how he panicked when Arcee confronted him the previous day, maybe actually hearing Knock Out’s voice would provoke him even more…

 But, could it offer clues about what Knock Out was doing to him on the Nemesis?

 Optimus remained silent for a while before he dared to respond.

 “Yes…” He said hesitantly, still unable to shake off the sick feeling in his spark. “It… may be for the best…”

 That was all Ratchet needed to hear before he slid the disk into the console, a blank screen appearing. A sharp green line appeared and a low hum could be heard as the Autobots fell into silence.

  _::Breakdown…::_

 The line oscillated with the voice, everyone recognising it straightaway. A sigh.

  _::I… I miss you… so much…::_ Knock Out continued, the audio quality making his voice crackle. _::Why did you leave? What have I done to deserve this? Why couldn’t you just tell me… we could have worked it out, babe…::_

 Bulkhead raised an optic ridge. “So… Yeah, he’s crazy.” He said in a deadpan tone.

 A sudden cry startled everyone, forcing their attention back to the screen. _::Why!? You slag-sucking formfragger!::_ Knock Out snarled. _::Are you taking it from someone else now? Did you find Prime and let him frag you senseless? That femme two-wheeler tie you to the berth and have her way with you? Even that fat, ugly, disgusting excuse of a wrecker? Ha! He must have drugged you; I don’t think even Unicron at his most desperate would want him!::_

 Arcee visibly flinched and Bulkhead’s shoulders slumped, muttering something about his frame.

 Knock Out cackled. _::It doesn’t matter… you’ll come back to me.::_ He sighed. _::And when you come home… we could merge, make it official… you’ve always said you wanted a sparkling too, didn’t you?::_

  _::They’ll be so beautiful… our sparklings… I was already thinking of names and I… wanted to see what you thought…::_ The room was silent save for the audio, most of the Autobots holding expressions of either disgust or fear. _::Please… come back… I want to make it right and you already know… I’d burn the whole damn world for you… I love you…::_

 The audio cut off, the line disappearing and the disc was ejected.

 Ratchet was first to break the silence by taking out the disk and looking at it with wide optics and his lips in a firm line. “Well…” He began, for once at a loss for words. “I think… we have an indication of what’s going on.”

 “…Give it to me.”

 Everyone froze and turned to one of the corridors, spotting Breakdown standing there. How long had he been there for? The blue mech’s EM field was clamped tightly to his frame along with his plating, his fists clenched tight and his expression stern. He took a few steps forward and held his hand out to Ratchet.

 “Breakdown…” The medic began, only to stop and place the disk into the other’s hand.

 Breakdown looked at the disk for a few moments before suddenly closing his hand, crushing the black disk. “It’s best to leave it alone.” He mumbled, turning on his heel and leaving the room without another word.

 “Oh no…” Bulkhead muttered almost silently when the mech was gone. “I know it… something bad’s gonna happen…”

* * *

 Breakdown turned on the solvent shower, twisting the knob far more roughly than was needed. The scalding liquid splashed on his armour. He tried to slow down his venting, shutting his optic.

 He had no idea…

 He had merely woken up from recharge, his processor pounding from his hangover and he thought that a visit to Ratchet would help, maybe get some medicine to make the pain go away, even if said pain was the nicest he had felt for such a long time…

 As he had walked towards the Medbay, he heard someone. Someone who he had hoped to never hear again. The thought of the monster in the base made his spark shiver; had the Autobots sold him out? Pretended to care so he’d come along more easily?

 What came next was blurred in his mind, the only thing that stuck out to him being something cracking in his servo. He walked off, words blurred and crawling into his audials, sticky as sludge.

 He felt dirty… dirtydirtydirty… just as he did whenever that Monster touched him…

 Breakdown grabbed hold of some cloth, soaking it in the solvent and dumping liquid soap on it before scrubbing furiously at his arms. That feeling wasn’t going away…

 He scrubbed harder, not even noticing the tiny flecks of blue paint coming off. He just… needed to be clean…!

 Harder… Faster…

 NonononoNO

 Ah! No! STOP!

 Yesyesyesyes.

 “BREAKDOWN.”

 The blue mech stopped, looking down at his arms. The paint had been scratched off quite a lot, silver taking over the once deep blue plating. But…

 “Breakdown. Look at me.”

 The blue mech froze, the low drawl sliding into his audials and constricting his spark. He kept his optic down, avoiding the voice in the hopes that maybe…

 “Breakdown. I said LOOK AT ME!”

 The blue mech flinched, slowly looking up to the mirror in front of him. His armour clenched tight to his frame as his optics fell upon the reflection… or what should have been a reflection.

 “Knock Out…”

 The red mech smiled from within the looking glass, his optics glinting madly. “Breaky… I’m really disappointed with you…” He said, his face falling in sadness. “You ran away without saying anything… Why was that?”

 The blue mech opened his mouth to speak again, only for nothing to come out. It was an illusion, yet he felt so real… Sounded so real… why couldn’t he say anything?

 The reflection smiled wider, his face seeming to darken. “I thought you loved me… that you were going to stay with me…” the red mech cooed, his optics brightening maliciously. “But… you’ve gone back to your old ways, haven’t you? A coward who runs away even when it’s simply someone he can trust…”

 “N-No!” Breakdown finally snapped back, his voice quivering. “That’s not true… I’m not a coward!”

 “Is that so?”

 The new voice made Breakdown falter, the blue mech slowly turning to face his left.

 “…Springer?”

 The green Autobot’s face was solemn, yet a flash of irritation and anger danced in his optics. “I thought that you and the other Stunticons would be of some use to the wreckers.” He began. “But I guess I was wrong, you were completely reckless and selfish bastards who didn’t care for others but themselves.”

 Breakdown shook his head furiously. “N-No… we weren’t!” He insisted, his voice desperate and his fists clenched. “We tried, but you… you always pushed us away! You threw us away!”

 “But you kept on messing everything up.” Springer retorted, his tone and optics becoming icy. “Especially you… coward, wreck, brat…! Why couldn’t you just grow a pair and get serious?”

 “We did what you asked!” Breakdown pleaded. “We followed your orders and we jumped through all of the hoops you gave us! What more do you want?”

 “Nothing you CAN do, you little scrap.”

 That third voice made the blue mech freeze. It couldn’t be…

 He slowly raised his head, vents shaking as he turned to his right, spotting another reflection… this one of a blue mech with blue optics and frame scarred by labour…

 “Sire…?”

 He scoffed. “You ain’t my kid.” He spat bluntly. “You won’t believe the amount a’ times other bots went up ta me and said ‘oh, Crashcourse! How is that puny little thing your sparklin’?’. Never thought you were mine anyway. No surprise, considering your Carrier’s rampant berth-hoppin’ ways.”

 “Don’t talk about her like that!” Breakdown snarled, his voice cracking the slightest. “My Carrier was a good bot and it’s you who did wrong!”

 “She was a slut!” The mech barked back. “Just wouldn’t shut up and just cried and cried… no wonder you’re such a slag-sucking spawn of Unicron…!”

 “Traitor!” Springer spat.

 “Whore!” Knock Out screamed.

 Breakdown’s attention kept on shifting between the three mechs, as each of them howled and snarled insults at him, their features slowly melting into grotesque and monstrous shapes.

 “No… I’m… I’m…”

 Breakdown’s plea was drowned out by sadistic laughter and screamed words, each filthier and more hurtful than the last. The blue mech knelt on the ground, static induced from panic starting to crackle at the edges of his vision…

 “STOP!”

 With a roar, the former ‘Con leapt to his pedes and slammed a fist into Knock Out’s visage, shattering the glass mirror. He cried out as he swung his fist and shattered another, forcing Springer into silence. One last bellow and the last mirror was broken, the cruel smirk of his sire vanishing as quickly as it appeared.

 Their words still echoed and slowly, painfully dwindling into agonizing silence. But one word stuck out the loudest, that Monster’s voice soft and silken.

 “Love…”

 Breakdown didn’t care when he started sobbing.

 He didn’t care that glass fragments were embedded in his knuckles, energon flowing from his wounds.

 He didn’t care when someone came in and laid their hands on his back and shoulder, calling his name…

 Why should he care?

 What they said was all true…

**TBC**


	8. Confront

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...I swear I'm not dead, just lazy.
> 
> Anyway, here's a new chapter of Escapism for you lovelies!
> 
> HOW WILL IT END? YOU DECIDE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1as3RSQ09lqH4hXjiDq20vmuKWmUQ_I4fizOia9MA0h4/viewform

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter has a heavily implied mention of sexual assault. If this is a triggering/upsetting topic for you, then please stop reading.

** Chapter 8  
Confront **

Daran had finally had it.

It had been two months now since Breakdown left and Knock Out’s behaviour and madness was only becoming darker and more disturbed as the days went on. He already watched several of his fellow Vehicons – his friends – tortured and mutilated at the hands of that monster.

Too many have fallen.

It ends now.

His resolve fortified, the Vehicon straightened his stance and marched towards the deck, the doors flying open as he walked through. He had to do this.

For everyone lost.

No, murdered…

Knock Out was looking out of a large window, seeming almost unaware of the Vehicon behind him. He was muttering something under his breath, fidgeting slightly. It didn’t matter what was on his mind at that moment; Daran was sure it would be the last thing he would ever think about in his pitiful, sickening life.

The Vehicon silently withdrew a gladius from his subspace. Even though Megatron was dead, his armoury had been left alone, filled wall to wall with weapons from his gladiator days. Daran merely needed something he could conceal and carry easily, so the numerous numbers of axes, spears, flails, maces, whips and war hammers were out of the question. The sword in his hand would be enough…

He stepped forward silently, his hold on the sword tightening until the cables and mechanisms in his hands and wrists cried with discomfort. He kept on moving and waited until he was right behind the medic before he raised the blade and thrust it forward…

Knock Out suddenly spun around and grabbed the Vehicon’s wrist, pulling his arm until they were chest to chest. The red mech’s optics danced with madness and fury as he stared into Daran’s visor, feeling like his very spark could be seen. “What do you think you’re doing…?” Knock Out asked calmly, yet his voice was strained.

The Vehicon struggled, trying to pull away, yet only succeeded in getting a slight gap between his chest and the medic’s. “I’m done with this!” He yelled. “I’m done following you! Being a slave! I refuse to serve a disgusting cretin like you!”

Knock Out’s face remained neutral, although the anger in his optics grew. His hold tightened, the metal of the Vehicon’s arm buckling under the pressure. He abruptly let go, Daran staggering backwards, still trying to keep a hold of the blade. “A sneak attack was a cowardly move, Vehicon.” He scoffed. “At least face me head on… like a real mech… even though you Vehicons aren’t anywhere near ‘real’.”

Those words made something snap within Daran. He roared as he charged forward, gladius in hand and aimed for the medic’s spark. Knock Out dodged the attack, only for Daran to sing the blade around in the hopes of lobbing off his head.

They continued their macabre dance with Daran striking, slashing and stabbing at the medic, only for his opponent to gracefully dodge each one. “Stay still aftpipe!” The Vehicon snarled, raising the gladius high into the air…

Knock Out merely smirked and sidestepped, suddenly lunging toward the Vehicon. One hand wrapped around the Vehicon’s throat and the other grabbed hold of the wrist wielding the gladius. His hold tightened, making the other mech squirm in pain. The medic leaned forward until his faceplate was inches away from Daran’s.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” He asked, his voice a low purr.

Daran struggled, only to glare at Knock Out. “Ggkh… aah… B-Burn…” He croaked, the pressure on his throat limiting his words. “…Burn… in… the Pit… S-Slagger…!”

Knock Out smiled and quickly pulled one of his hands away and shifted it into a drill…

Thrusting it into Daran’s chest.

The Vehicon barely had time to gasp in pain before the drill activated, the agony forcing his optics to go fuzzy.

Knock Out pulled the drill out, watching apathetically as the bot before him collapsed into a rapidly growing pool of his own energon. He glanced down at the mess he created, taking a step back as the energon crept closer towards his pedes.

“I guess I’ll meet you there.” The red mech said simply, watching as the Vehicon’s visor slowly dimmed.

Daran gasped out, his body starting to feel cold as he slowly lost the battle to stay awake.

He’d be in the Well soon enough…

* * *

“Breakdown.”

Ratchet’s voice did not stir the blue mech from his fidgeting. His pede tapped on the floor rapidly and he clenched his hands into fists, his lone optic glaring at the floor. He seemed more interested in the minute cracks in the floor than his surroundings.

After what happened in the washracks, Ratchet had found the blue mech kneeling on the ground surrounded by broken glass and sobbing loudly. The medic’s instinct had kicked in immediately and he all but dragged the former ‘Con into the Medbay, pulling out each piece of glass stuck in his hands and carefully disinfecting the wounds.

Breakdown let it happen, not even bothering to struggle.

It had been about a week and two days since that incident happened, with the medic keeping a close optic on Breakdown.

So now they were in the Medbay, or rather a sectioned off area that Ratchet claimed he used for ‘private consultations’, although Breakdown could also smell that the Prime had been in here many times… and the fracture in the wall did give an idea of what the two had been doing, as well as the scratches around it.

Filthy.

“Breakdown, I need you to talk to me.” Ratchet said again, his voice louder and sterner. “I can’t ignore what happened earlier. I need to know why this is happening.”

The blue mech glanced up, only to swap his attention to a pile of datapads to his left. The top one appeared to be some human novel, but it looked immensely boring. Breakdown merely glanced away.

The silence bled between them, becoming heavier by the second. The only sounds were the two mechs venting and the hum of machinery. Somewhere, a chronometer was ticking away, the sound reminding them of the time passing.

Ratchet sighed and leaned forward, his optics hardening. “Breakdown, please.” He said again, his voice showing his determination. “You’ve been here for just under two weeks now and you have not told us anything. But frankly, you’ve grown… destructive in your behaviour.

The blue mech scoffed. “What d’you mean?”

“Yesterday, while training with Bulkhead, you dislocated his articulators in his arm and blasted a hole in the wall.” The medic replied as coolly as he could, even though it looked like he was about to blow a fuse. “And, you threw Bumblebee through a wall when he was just clearing his vents behind you.”

Breakdown glanced away.

“We’ve given you as much time as possible to become more integrated into our base… but this is going too far. We need to remedy this now.” Ratchet all but snapped back. “You have to tell me what happened to you.”

“Why should I?” the blue mech suddenly hissed. “It’s not like you actually care about me; you just want me to get all better so that I can get out of your sight. I know the whole spiel already, doc.”

The elder rubbed his optics. “I have a duty of care and I need you to help me so that I can help you, as much as the phrase is cliché.” He leaned forward, a steely hardness in his optics. “I want to help. But if you don’t say anything, then you’re never going to get better.”

Something within Breakdown snapped.

He burst out into a bitter laugh, making Ratchet flinch. “Better? Are you really that stupid?” He sneered. “There’s nothing to fix because I’m already broken, you rust bucket!”

“Breakdown, please…”

“Cram it old-timer!” The blue mech’s voice turned into a harsh growl. “Even then, what are you gonna do with what I tell you? You’re just going to laugh at me and how… how weak I am!”

“No, that’s not…”

“I told you to SHUT IT!” Breakdown stood from his seat, his voice cracking slightly. He turned on his heel and started to pace back and forth. “You won’t get it… no one’s gonna get it… even if I told you, you’d just say I’m weak… that I need to stand up for myself…”

Ratchet remained where he was, taking deep breaths. “I might not be a psychologist or therapist, but I know you aren’t weak.” He said as calmly as he could. “But bottling up what’s going on is only going to make things worse.”

Breakdown turned sharply. “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING!” He roared. “THAT BASTARD KNOCK OUT’S ALREADY RUINED EVERYTHING!”

As soon as those words left his lips, the blue mech stopped and his optic widened. Did he really just blurt that out?

He looked away. “I… Ignore that. It’s not important.” He insisted.

Ratchet’s expression became stern, not saying a word, but still demanding answers and explanations; the look of a well-seasoned doctor and veteran. “Breakdown.” He spoke again, voice like thunder. “What. Happened?”

The blue mech frantically looked across the room, as if trying to find an exit or something to focus on instead of Ratchet or his own panic. He remained silent and felt as if something were lodged in his throat, stopping him from speaking or breathing.

Silence ran thick between the two mechs, neither daring to make the first move; Ratchet in fear of provoking Breakdown and Breakdown in fear that Ratchet would see him as weak for the truth.

A quiet sob broke it.

Breakdown slowly sat down, cradling his head in his hands and his whole body shaking. “That monster… Knock Out…” He murmured. “He’s… hurt me… hurt a lot of people… and it’s my fault.”

Ratchet frowned, his expression filled with gentle concern. He moved a chair to rest alongside the blue mech and sat down, putting his hands in a steeple. “He hurt you?” He repeated and received a nod. “Would you… like to tell me what He had done?”

Breakdown nodded and leaned back, breathing deeply. “All of the others had started to disappear one day. At first, no one thought much of it, but as soon as Starscream disappeared… everyone was in a frenzy. Megatron disappearing didn’t help.” He began quietly. “He… told me to meet up with Him and have drinks. He drugged me and when I woke up… he had… tied me up and… started going on about being on a date and that I would love what he had prepared…”

The blue mech didn’t realise that there were tears streaming down his face as he continued. “He… killed everyone else and… he forced me to… to…” He had to stop and take a shuddering breath, the next words squeaking out in a whisper. “…made me eat them… he forced parts of them down my throat… oh Primus…”

Ratchet had to hold back a shocked gasp at the revelation. He always knew that Knock Out was insane, but he had never thought it would be anything like this. A new thought came that froze the energon in his veins; just what kind of horrors did Knock Out force on the mech?

Breakdown couldn’t stop. “It was hell for months. I had to lie and play along with Knock Out… keep on telling him ‘I love you’ when all I wanted was to disappear…” He leaned back in his seat and stared at the ceiling instead. “I played along and even then… he still kept on catching onto my act, even if he never figured it out… h-he… murdered Vehicons who thought were getting too close to me…”

“I… There was even one… i-incident…” Breakdown’s voice seemed to fall apart, breaking the mech into pieces, almost as if he were regressing to a youngling. “Knock Out… drugged me a-again… I-I couldn’t move or speak, but I could still see and feel… he laid me on the berth and he… h-he made me…”

Ratchet leapt from his seat and moved to kneel down in front of the Decepticon, gently placing his hands on the other’s shoulders. “You don’t have to say anymore.” He said softly, shocked by the revelation. “I… I’m so sorry… that you had to go through that. But I’m here and the rest of us are all here for you, if you need anyone to talk to.”

Breakdown remained silent for a few moments before roughly brushing Ratchet’s hands off of his shoulders and standing up. “…Thanks for listening, anyway.” He murmured, turning on his heel and stalking out of the medical bay.

The medic could only watch as the blue mech left, dread filling his spark as the information slowly processed within his mind.

It was even worse than he had thought.

* * *

Arcee sat on the edge of the cliff, feeling the cool winter air brush against her plating. She hated the cold, but at the moment it was a feeling of relief, along with the few sparse droplets of rain.

She had come to the top of the base as usual to talk to Cliffjumper as she normally did. She had spent the past half hour telling him about what had been happening with the Autobots, her frustration over being punished but her relief that it was over now, as well as what she was thinking or feeling, of course.

So now, she merely looked out at the setting sun and felt the wind and rain.

Heavy footsteps broke her out of her thoughts. She didn’t turn around to see who it was.

“…Can I sit here?”

Arcee remained quiet before nodding. “Go ahead.”

The mech sat down beside her, legs hanging off the edge of the cliff and lone golden optic looking out in the distance.

Silence fell between them that seemed to stretch out for the longest time before the femme spoke. “I’m sorry for what I did.” She said with complete sincerity, her expression fallen. “I… I understand if you can’t forgive me. Pit, I don’t forgive myself for that.”

Breakdown sniffed. “…No need to. I get it. You were angry and things were said.” He sighed, almost as if he didn’t really care about what was going on. “…How about we just leave that behind us… and maybe, try to be friends or something? At least, stand to be in the same room.

Arcee smiled and couldn’t stop a tiny laugh. “You’re sounding a little bit like Cliff now.” She admitted with a small shrug. “But sure, let’s try.”

The blue mech smiled weakly in return, only to remain silent, as did Arcee.

They remained that way for a long time, occasional small talk smattered in between until the sun finally set the chilly moon rose, and the rain began to pour down in earnest.

**TBC**


End file.
